I started this blog in March of 2003 as we were about to enter and invade Iraq under the false pretense that Saddam Hussein, dictator and tyrant extraordinaire, was harboring weapons of mass destruction. Today, three and a half years later, we (well, not we...our President) are claiming "justice" because yesterday evening Saddam Hussein was hanged.
Yes. Hanged. Like a Yosemite Sam cartoon. Big burly men in ski masks walked him to the gallows. They tied a noose around his neck, truly, like in a cartoon, and then stepped away. Moments later he was pronounced dead, undoubtedly with his twisted neck and limp body swinging in the air, hanging from a rope.
How is this justice? It's barbarism. Nothing else.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Hello! For many of you this is the first time you have heard from me in months, if not years! I am finally, after six months in business school, lifting my head above water for a few minutes to gasp some air! While I had a few minutes, I thought I would use the time to reach out and stay connected.
As most (if not all) of you know, I started at UC Berkeley’s Haas School of Business last fall. I went back to business school to gain a fundamental business education that I could use in concert with my communications background and my commitment to – and passion for – corporate social responsibility to, in short, change the American corporation as we know it. And I have to say, so far so good.
JUMPING IN WITH BOTH FEET
Last semester was a whirlwind! In addition to taking my core classes – Statistics, Microeconomics, Organizational Behavior, Marketing, Finance and Accounting – I also got involved in a few extracurricular activities. First and most exciting, I was elected Vice President, Community Affairs by my classmates. In that capacity I am working to help Haas students get engaged with the community so that after school and throughout the course of their careers they stay engaged and recognize community involvement as an important part of their every day lives. My job includes helping connect students with volunteer opportunities, raising money and goods for different local organizations, and fundraising from the Haas community and beyond so that we may supplement the salaries of Haas first year students who choose internships in non-profit or public sector jobs. One of the reasons I chose Haas was that the culture and the people really support and promote this kind of community engagement. It has been a thrill to make this such a core part of what I am doing here!
In addition to my student government role (that sounds so geeky!), I am also involved with two clubs on campus – Berkeley Net Impact (the student club focused on corporate social responsibility) and GSVC – the Global Social Venture Competition. For Net Impact I am a Vice President (we are big on titles here!) of Outreach. My goal is to work with some of the more traditional career clubs on campus – Marketing, Finance, Real Estate, Health Care – to educate their members about corporate social responsibility so that when they go back into the professional world they are carrying out their job functions with an understanding and awareness of socially responsible business practices. I have to say, I love that I am a member of Net Impact after so many years working with Net Impact and MBA students on behalf of Nike! Through Net Impact I have also helped organize a student-led Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) speaker series. This is a one-credit class and each week features a different topic on which invited guest speakers share their expertise and perspectives with students. This has been incredible! So far, speakers have included the representatives from HP and Intel who were part of an industry working group that created a voluntary code of conduct; Socially responsible investment experts, including SRI gurus from Piper Jaffray and Calvert; Former Secretary of Labor Robert Reich (who I invited and therefore had the honor and pleasure of introducing!). Coming up we have a reporter from Fortune who covers the CSR “beat,” and a panel on CSR in the food industry, with representatives from Whole Foods, Niman Ranch, Spectrum Organics and the founder of Sharffen Berger chocolates (we are hoping they all bring samples!).
For the Global Social Venture Competition, I got involved early in the school year in helping set the strategic direction for the club, which puts on a social venture business plan competition every year. Now that we are in competition planning mode, I am working on collecting participant feedback so that we can make adjustments to the process as we go along and think about longer-term changes that can enhance the comepteition moving forward. The people involved in this club have been some of the most impressive people I have met in a long time. They are all true believers and we feed off each other’s energy and passion and it allows us to get a lot done in a short period of time!
I also started writing for the school paper, HaasWeek, which just resumed publication after a semester-long hiatus. The editors liked my first story so much, they offered me a column! Not sure I can commit to another deadline but you know me – I cannot imagine passing up the opportunity to say what I think about things for an audience!
School has also been a lot of fun socially (of course!). The people are not only incredibly smart and interesting, they are also hilarious and a ton of fun! Over winter break a group of about 12 of us went to Argentina for three weeks and it was one of the best trips I have ever taken. We are already thinking about where to go for Spring Break (as we plan our Argentina reunion dinner!)! I also convinced a group of about 20 classmates to train for a triathlon together (suckers!) - none of them have done one before! In all my spare time, I also managed to meet myself a nice young man...his name is Peter, he’s a second year and he’s European – who would have guessed?!
ONE SEMESTER DOWN, THREE TO GO
So I am about a month into my second semester, busier than ever and yet I am still loving it, more convinced than ever that going back to school was the right move for me. This semester I am able to take some electives and I am loving them all! One class I am taking is Business and Public Policy. The Professor is amazing – he is incredibly smart and dynamic and the material we are learning will be applicable in the real world, I am sure.
I am also taking Strategic Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR), taught by Professor Kellie McElhaney (studying with Kellie was a significant reason I chose to come to Haas) – an incredible class in which we get actual CSR consulting projects to work on all semester long. My client is Yahoo! and the project is awesome! We are working closely with Yahoo!’s CSR manager to benchmark CSR best practices in the Internet industry, research socially responsible investment criteria and develop other tools and materials the company can use as it develops and implements its corporate social responsibility strategy. It’s been amazing to have the opportunity to take the skills I already had, supplement them with what we are learning in class and then apply them, real time, to our client’s needs.
My third elective is called International Business Development. This class, to which I applied and was one of 64 applicants accepted out of a pool of 120, puts us into four-person student teams and we are each assigned an overseas client for whom we will be working. We will spend the semester researching and developing materials for our clients and then, in late May, we will travel to our client sites to finalize and present our deliverables. My team is working on developing a business plan for a planned ecotourism resort on Easter Island. That’s right...EASTER ISLAND! I am going to the island of those strange statues! You have to admit, that’s a little bit insane! I am really excited about it (of course!). Business school has opened up the world to me in ways I never would have expected and I feel so lucky that I am able to take advantage of all it has to offer!
THE SUMMER JOB SEARCH COMMENCES
Now the search for the summer job is on! Can you believe it? I feel like I just left work! But this is how it goes here in business school. In fact, many of my classmates already have jobs lined up for the summer! I am just getting started, but because what I want to do follows a less traditional path, the process will be a bit slower and a bit more challenging. I am hoping to get a job this summer working with a large corporation on developing and/or implementing some aspect of a CSR strategy (preferably in the Bay Area, though I am open to going somewhere else). So what does that look like? Well, it can look like a number of things, including the following:
Helping develop a CSR report – more and more companies are doing these now and with my communications background, this would be an ideal assignment for me!
Working with the investor relations department of a company trying to compile information and answer questionnaires from socially responsible investment research analysts and fund managers
Researching and analyzing best practices to help guide a company in the development of its CSR strategy and/or programs
Most large companies have MBA summer internship programs, though the internships are usually in finance, marketing or product management. This means I am going to have to network and cold call to find my summer job! So do not be surprised if you hear from me in the coming weeks seeking your assistance or advice in helping me land my summer gig. I sent my most recent resume for you, just so you can have it at your fingertips in case that job-that’s-perfect-for-Marcy comes across your desk! In the meantime, if you have any suggestions about people to call who may be looking for someone like me for the summer (or who I can convince really needs someone like me for the summer!), please let me know!
BACK TO THE BOOKS
Well, it’s back to the books for me! I hear things slow down in the second year and I really hope they do; in fact, I am counting on it! I hope you are all well and I hope to be in better, more consistent touch. Drop me a line to let me know how you are and if you will be out this way soon!
--
Marcy Scott Lynn
Berkeley MBA Candidate, 2006
Haas School of Business
As most (if not all) of you know, I started at UC Berkeley’s Haas School of Business last fall. I went back to business school to gain a fundamental business education that I could use in concert with my communications background and my commitment to – and passion for – corporate social responsibility to, in short, change the American corporation as we know it. And I have to say, so far so good.
JUMPING IN WITH BOTH FEET
Last semester was a whirlwind! In addition to taking my core classes – Statistics, Microeconomics, Organizational Behavior, Marketing, Finance and Accounting – I also got involved in a few extracurricular activities. First and most exciting, I was elected Vice President, Community Affairs by my classmates. In that capacity I am working to help Haas students get engaged with the community so that after school and throughout the course of their careers they stay engaged and recognize community involvement as an important part of their every day lives. My job includes helping connect students with volunteer opportunities, raising money and goods for different local organizations, and fundraising from the Haas community and beyond so that we may supplement the salaries of Haas first year students who choose internships in non-profit or public sector jobs. One of the reasons I chose Haas was that the culture and the people really support and promote this kind of community engagement. It has been a thrill to make this such a core part of what I am doing here!
In addition to my student government role (that sounds so geeky!), I am also involved with two clubs on campus – Berkeley Net Impact (the student club focused on corporate social responsibility) and GSVC – the Global Social Venture Competition. For Net Impact I am a Vice President (we are big on titles here!) of Outreach. My goal is to work with some of the more traditional career clubs on campus – Marketing, Finance, Real Estate, Health Care – to educate their members about corporate social responsibility so that when they go back into the professional world they are carrying out their job functions with an understanding and awareness of socially responsible business practices. I have to say, I love that I am a member of Net Impact after so many years working with Net Impact and MBA students on behalf of Nike! Through Net Impact I have also helped organize a student-led Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) speaker series. This is a one-credit class and each week features a different topic on which invited guest speakers share their expertise and perspectives with students. This has been incredible! So far, speakers have included the representatives from HP and Intel who were part of an industry working group that created a voluntary code of conduct; Socially responsible investment experts, including SRI gurus from Piper Jaffray and Calvert; Former Secretary of Labor Robert Reich (who I invited and therefore had the honor and pleasure of introducing!). Coming up we have a reporter from Fortune who covers the CSR “beat,” and a panel on CSR in the food industry, with representatives from Whole Foods, Niman Ranch, Spectrum Organics and the founder of Sharffen Berger chocolates (we are hoping they all bring samples!).
For the Global Social Venture Competition, I got involved early in the school year in helping set the strategic direction for the club, which puts on a social venture business plan competition every year. Now that we are in competition planning mode, I am working on collecting participant feedback so that we can make adjustments to the process as we go along and think about longer-term changes that can enhance the comepteition moving forward. The people involved in this club have been some of the most impressive people I have met in a long time. They are all true believers and we feed off each other’s energy and passion and it allows us to get a lot done in a short period of time!
I also started writing for the school paper, HaasWeek, which just resumed publication after a semester-long hiatus. The editors liked my first story so much, they offered me a column! Not sure I can commit to another deadline but you know me – I cannot imagine passing up the opportunity to say what I think about things for an audience!
School has also been a lot of fun socially (of course!). The people are not only incredibly smart and interesting, they are also hilarious and a ton of fun! Over winter break a group of about 12 of us went to Argentina for three weeks and it was one of the best trips I have ever taken. We are already thinking about where to go for Spring Break (as we plan our Argentina reunion dinner!)! I also convinced a group of about 20 classmates to train for a triathlon together (suckers!) - none of them have done one before! In all my spare time, I also managed to meet myself a nice young man...his name is Peter, he’s a second year and he’s European – who would have guessed?!
ONE SEMESTER DOWN, THREE TO GO
So I am about a month into my second semester, busier than ever and yet I am still loving it, more convinced than ever that going back to school was the right move for me. This semester I am able to take some electives and I am loving them all! One class I am taking is Business and Public Policy. The Professor is amazing – he is incredibly smart and dynamic and the material we are learning will be applicable in the real world, I am sure.
I am also taking Strategic Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR), taught by Professor Kellie McElhaney (studying with Kellie was a significant reason I chose to come to Haas) – an incredible class in which we get actual CSR consulting projects to work on all semester long. My client is Yahoo! and the project is awesome! We are working closely with Yahoo!’s CSR manager to benchmark CSR best practices in the Internet industry, research socially responsible investment criteria and develop other tools and materials the company can use as it develops and implements its corporate social responsibility strategy. It’s been amazing to have the opportunity to take the skills I already had, supplement them with what we are learning in class and then apply them, real time, to our client’s needs.
My third elective is called International Business Development. This class, to which I applied and was one of 64 applicants accepted out of a pool of 120, puts us into four-person student teams and we are each assigned an overseas client for whom we will be working. We will spend the semester researching and developing materials for our clients and then, in late May, we will travel to our client sites to finalize and present our deliverables. My team is working on developing a business plan for a planned ecotourism resort on Easter Island. That’s right...EASTER ISLAND! I am going to the island of those strange statues! You have to admit, that’s a little bit insane! I am really excited about it (of course!). Business school has opened up the world to me in ways I never would have expected and I feel so lucky that I am able to take advantage of all it has to offer!
THE SUMMER JOB SEARCH COMMENCES
Now the search for the summer job is on! Can you believe it? I feel like I just left work! But this is how it goes here in business school. In fact, many of my classmates already have jobs lined up for the summer! I am just getting started, but because what I want to do follows a less traditional path, the process will be a bit slower and a bit more challenging. I am hoping to get a job this summer working with a large corporation on developing and/or implementing some aspect of a CSR strategy (preferably in the Bay Area, though I am open to going somewhere else). So what does that look like? Well, it can look like a number of things, including the following:
Helping develop a CSR report – more and more companies are doing these now and with my communications background, this would be an ideal assignment for me!
Working with the investor relations department of a company trying to compile information and answer questionnaires from socially responsible investment research analysts and fund managers
Researching and analyzing best practices to help guide a company in the development of its CSR strategy and/or programs
Most large companies have MBA summer internship programs, though the internships are usually in finance, marketing or product management. This means I am going to have to network and cold call to find my summer job! So do not be surprised if you hear from me in the coming weeks seeking your assistance or advice in helping me land my summer gig. I sent my most recent resume for you, just so you can have it at your fingertips in case that job-that’s-perfect-for-Marcy comes across your desk! In the meantime, if you have any suggestions about people to call who may be looking for someone like me for the summer (or who I can convince really needs someone like me for the summer!), please let me know!
BACK TO THE BOOKS
Well, it’s back to the books for me! I hear things slow down in the second year and I really hope they do; in fact, I am counting on it! I hope you are all well and I hope to be in better, more consistent touch. Drop me a line to let me know how you are and if you will be out this way soon!
--
Marcy Scott Lynn
Berkeley MBA Candidate, 2006
Haas School of Business
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Packing packing packing. What a pain in the ass. I am nearing the wire at this point...no, I am at the wire. I move on Thursday morning (courtesy of the Quest brothers) and, it being Tuesday, I would say I am right on the edge here. Things have been great since getting back from New York. It is gorgeous here in San Francisco but for some reason, that trip home to NYC has really made me open my eyes and my heart to the possibility that I may live somewhere else when these two years at school are up. The last week since I have come home have been interesting and, on some level, instructive. It's amazing how certain moments in your life offer an opportunity to see who is who...you know what I mean?
I am worried about my mom. Unemployment has got to be scary for a woman in her 50s. There is a part of me that thinks this is something I need to take care of. I can just picture the TV Movie of the Week, based on a true story of course, about the young woman who was facing a summer of travel and two years in graduate school (for which she had saved a lot of money) and she throws it all to the side to take care of her financially ailing family! I feel like I "should" give my mother the money I have saved for my education and take out more loans...or even just go back to work...put school on hold. But she hasn't asked me to do that. And unless and until she does, I am not going to offer. Does that make me selfish? I don't know...maybe it does. But I can't help it. I have worked so hard to get to where I am. It was tough to save all that money. And I want to do this next step. I am scared, sure, but I want it...I am ready for the challenge. And, if all goes well, I will have enough financial security after it's all over to help make sure my family always ends up on its feet. Anyway, it made for a stressful and distracting weekend.
So tomorrow is my last day of moving activities before the actual move takes place on Thursday. Then it's down to LA and then off to Europe...Should be fun. I am really excited to be going with Meredith. Plus it will be fun to see and stay with Keith. He is a good guy and he's tons of fun. So that will be nice.
It's weird to be moving AGAIN after just moving 2 years ago...and even more weird is knowing that I will again be moving in 2 years. It definitely inspires me to get rid of more of my shit than I might otherwise dispose of, you know?
Okay, well, I am feeling a little too tipsy to write much more. Ben took me out to dinner tonite and we shared a bottle of wine and, well, that's what wine does.
So I sign off again.
I am worried about my mom. Unemployment has got to be scary for a woman in her 50s. There is a part of me that thinks this is something I need to take care of. I can just picture the TV Movie of the Week, based on a true story of course, about the young woman who was facing a summer of travel and two years in graduate school (for which she had saved a lot of money) and she throws it all to the side to take care of her financially ailing family! I feel like I "should" give my mother the money I have saved for my education and take out more loans...or even just go back to work...put school on hold. But she hasn't asked me to do that. And unless and until she does, I am not going to offer. Does that make me selfish? I don't know...maybe it does. But I can't help it. I have worked so hard to get to where I am. It was tough to save all that money. And I want to do this next step. I am scared, sure, but I want it...I am ready for the challenge. And, if all goes well, I will have enough financial security after it's all over to help make sure my family always ends up on its feet. Anyway, it made for a stressful and distracting weekend.
So tomorrow is my last day of moving activities before the actual move takes place on Thursday. Then it's down to LA and then off to Europe...Should be fun. I am really excited to be going with Meredith. Plus it will be fun to see and stay with Keith. He is a good guy and he's tons of fun. So that will be nice.
It's weird to be moving AGAIN after just moving 2 years ago...and even more weird is knowing that I will again be moving in 2 years. It definitely inspires me to get rid of more of my shit than I might otherwise dispose of, you know?
Okay, well, I am feeling a little too tipsy to write much more. Ben took me out to dinner tonite and we shared a bottle of wine and, well, that's what wine does.
So I sign off again.
Friday, June 18, 2004
Just back from a week in New York City. I do love it there! My trip this time was like an episode straight out of "This is Your Life." I saw and connected with old friends from as early as kindergarten; friends from junior high school; friends from high school; friends from college; friends from my time living in Washington, DC; friends from my early San Francisco days; friends from the more recent San Francisco days...I even saw people I am about to go to school with - friends from the future, you may say. It was an awesome time - great laughs, great food, great yoga...in the greatest city in the world.
Most of the time, when I take a vacation or head out of town for any reason, it usually offers opportunities for reflection and self understanding, and this trip was no different. I think my biggest understanding after this trip is that there is nothing like old friends. Don't get me wrong, new friends are great...but it's like the song says, "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold." Once in a while I definitely make new friends that automatically feel like old friends, for whatever reason. And eventually, new friends can become old friends, over time of course. But there is something to be said for friendships that develop when we are young and vulnerable and for those friendships to evolve and for connection to continue into adulthood. This trip offered me a demonstration of the power of old friends - from the Howard Beach kids (none of whom I am in regular touch with but some of whom I could definitely see becoming adult friends with) to the Humanities crew (a group of friends that allow me to laugh my ass off no matter what paths our lives take and no matter how many years pass between our seeing each other) to the BU buds to the political/DC dudes to the early SF crew.
I guess this trip also taught me that newer friendships, no matter how deep they may feel, are more fragile than the older ones. It makes sense...by definition they haven't withstood the tests of time. But it's funny how now, at age 31, my "newer" friendships seem less able to weather the storms than the older friendships, which weathered storms during times when, as younger people, we were more vulnerable and less worldly. Maybe that's the lesson of this...that vulnerability is the path to deep connection. Hm...I knew that but...I guess this is another way to reinforce that.
Most of the time, when I take a vacation or head out of town for any reason, it usually offers opportunities for reflection and self understanding, and this trip was no different. I think my biggest understanding after this trip is that there is nothing like old friends. Don't get me wrong, new friends are great...but it's like the song says, "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold." Once in a while I definitely make new friends that automatically feel like old friends, for whatever reason. And eventually, new friends can become old friends, over time of course. But there is something to be said for friendships that develop when we are young and vulnerable and for those friendships to evolve and for connection to continue into adulthood. This trip offered me a demonstration of the power of old friends - from the Howard Beach kids (none of whom I am in regular touch with but some of whom I could definitely see becoming adult friends with) to the Humanities crew (a group of friends that allow me to laugh my ass off no matter what paths our lives take and no matter how many years pass between our seeing each other) to the BU buds to the political/DC dudes to the early SF crew.
I guess this trip also taught me that newer friendships, no matter how deep they may feel, are more fragile than the older ones. It makes sense...by definition they haven't withstood the tests of time. But it's funny how now, at age 31, my "newer" friendships seem less able to weather the storms than the older friendships, which weathered storms during times when, as younger people, we were more vulnerable and less worldly. Maybe that's the lesson of this...that vulnerability is the path to deep connection. Hm...I knew that but...I guess this is another way to reinforce that.
Monday, June 07, 2004
It's been so long since I have written in this thing! To tell the truth, I am not even sure why I am writing today...at this point, I feel pretty certain that nobody reads this anyway. But yesterday I had a day that made me want to write about it.
Yesterday I did the Escape from Alcatraz triathlon here in San Francisco...and I had the thought yesterday that I had last year, which was, "there is no reason to do any other triathlon." Except, of course, Ironman. What a fun event. The distances are relatively short (1.5 mile swim, 18 mile bike, 8 mile run) and therefore entirely manageable. So training didn't run my life for the last month...it was just a part of my life. And then race day was a gift from God. In fact, as I looked out over the San Francisco bay from the San Francisco Belle (the boat we took out to Alcatraz island to start the race) I thought, "God gave us today as a gift." And for the rest of the day (well, the next three and a half hours, anyway) I kept that in mind. In fact, at one point as I was running down to Baker Beach and chatting with Natan, a fellow racer, I said, "Look at this day God has given us," and he looked up and then he said, "Thank you for reminding me to look. I somehow forgot to take a look around at this amazing day."
I loved this race last year (my first time doing it) when the weather was freezing and the water was scarily wavy...so naturally I loved every single second of it this year, when it was a shining, sunny day and the water was not only calm, it was moving in my favor. I swear I was smiling the entire time. I cannot wait to see pictures of it. I only wish some family was here to enjoy it, too. I know how much they all loved watching it last year and this year it was such a glorious day that they would have really had a blast.
============
Ronald Reagan died. I know it's a big deal because he really was one of the most popular presidents America has ever had. And it's sad, too...it's sad when anyone dies (no less sad is the fact that Buzzie's grandma died today). And I do feel for Nancy, as she has been taking such care of him these last years and has managed to do so with grace and class (neither of which she got much credit for having while she was First Lady). I do feel for her and the rest of the family.
I am not looking forward to the next week, as the American media shoves Ronald Reagan down our throats - and not the real Ronald Reagan and his real legacy of trickle down economics, the Iran Contra affair, Star Wars, etc. They even did it with Nixon when he died. Given the fact that the Republican Party has tried to rewrite Ronald Reagan's true history and impact on this country (the fact that they attempted to take FDR off of the nickel and replace him with Ronald Reagan proves this point), the sad death of this American leader will instead become pathetic election year fodder for ghwb and his henchmen who will try to say that the current pResident is like a latter day Reagan. Ugh.
===============
Looking forward to my summer of leisure and travel...really looking forward to the PS 207 reunion...it's going to be INSANE seeing everyone after all this time. Other than Stephen Markman, Joe Macri, Rob Sena and Julianne Kowalski, I haven't seen any of these people since about 1986 when we graduated from Junior High School...it's going to be HILARIOUS. I think on some level it will also be cathartic for me...many of these people, especially the girls, have (without their knowledge, I am sure) had a major impact on my life - and not necessarily good. Going and seeing some of them as a 31 year old woman who is happy and successful and whose life is heading in a good direction will, I think, shut down some of the residual feelings I have about they way they treated me. Not that I feel like I have something to prove. It's more like I want to see them and, as I look into their eyes, I want to know that they never got the better of me, hard as they tried.
Yesterday I did the Escape from Alcatraz triathlon here in San Francisco...and I had the thought yesterday that I had last year, which was, "there is no reason to do any other triathlon." Except, of course, Ironman. What a fun event. The distances are relatively short (1.5 mile swim, 18 mile bike, 8 mile run) and therefore entirely manageable. So training didn't run my life for the last month...it was just a part of my life. And then race day was a gift from God. In fact, as I looked out over the San Francisco bay from the San Francisco Belle (the boat we took out to Alcatraz island to start the race) I thought, "God gave us today as a gift." And for the rest of the day (well, the next three and a half hours, anyway) I kept that in mind. In fact, at one point as I was running down to Baker Beach and chatting with Natan, a fellow racer, I said, "Look at this day God has given us," and he looked up and then he said, "Thank you for reminding me to look. I somehow forgot to take a look around at this amazing day."
I loved this race last year (my first time doing it) when the weather was freezing and the water was scarily wavy...so naturally I loved every single second of it this year, when it was a shining, sunny day and the water was not only calm, it was moving in my favor. I swear I was smiling the entire time. I cannot wait to see pictures of it. I only wish some family was here to enjoy it, too. I know how much they all loved watching it last year and this year it was such a glorious day that they would have really had a blast.
============
Ronald Reagan died. I know it's a big deal because he really was one of the most popular presidents America has ever had. And it's sad, too...it's sad when anyone dies (no less sad is the fact that Buzzie's grandma died today). And I do feel for Nancy, as she has been taking such care of him these last years and has managed to do so with grace and class (neither of which she got much credit for having while she was First Lady). I do feel for her and the rest of the family.
I am not looking forward to the next week, as the American media shoves Ronald Reagan down our throats - and not the real Ronald Reagan and his real legacy of trickle down economics, the Iran Contra affair, Star Wars, etc. They even did it with Nixon when he died. Given the fact that the Republican Party has tried to rewrite Ronald Reagan's true history and impact on this country (the fact that they attempted to take FDR off of the nickel and replace him with Ronald Reagan proves this point), the sad death of this American leader will instead become pathetic election year fodder for ghwb and his henchmen who will try to say that the current pResident is like a latter day Reagan. Ugh.
===============
Looking forward to my summer of leisure and travel...really looking forward to the PS 207 reunion...it's going to be INSANE seeing everyone after all this time. Other than Stephen Markman, Joe Macri, Rob Sena and Julianne Kowalski, I haven't seen any of these people since about 1986 when we graduated from Junior High School...it's going to be HILARIOUS. I think on some level it will also be cathartic for me...many of these people, especially the girls, have (without their knowledge, I am sure) had a major impact on my life - and not necessarily good. Going and seeing some of them as a 31 year old woman who is happy and successful and whose life is heading in a good direction will, I think, shut down some of the residual feelings I have about they way they treated me. Not that I feel like I have something to prove. It's more like I want to see them and, as I look into their eyes, I want to know that they never got the better of me, hard as they tried.
Monday, March 22, 2004
My computer crashed and they installed a new operating system...now my DSL won't work. Between that, a hectic work schedule, and trying to figure out the next step in my life, I think the blog goes on hold for a while.
It's been exactly a year since I started this thing...I started in response to the Iraq war that was developed, produced and directed by the media-savvy manipulators in the Bush administration. Now it's been a year since that war started and sadly, things there did not turn out well.
So, I am going to take some time to figure out my own path, and then I can come back to the important business of telling the world my opinions about the path our country and our planet should be pursuing!
Au revoir!
It's been exactly a year since I started this thing...I started in response to the Iraq war that was developed, produced and directed by the media-savvy manipulators in the Bush administration. Now it's been a year since that war started and sadly, things there did not turn out well.
So, I am going to take some time to figure out my own path, and then I can come back to the important business of telling the world my opinions about the path our country and our planet should be pursuing!
Au revoir!
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Monday, March 08, 2004
Well, it's going to be ugly. All the polls are saying that voters who have made up their minds are not moving and those who haven't are hard to sway one way or another - until the personal attacks are raised...only then do voters feel compelled to take another look at one or the other candidates. So, it's going to be ugly...from both sides. And while I am fine with that, on some level, I guess I am somewhat wary that the Democrats can handle it. I mean, I was only 16 during the 1988 campaign but what "they" did to Dukakis that year looms large in my mind. So I guess I am a little scared that Kerry will wilt under the pressure of what is sure to be the most nasty attacks imaginable.
One week from today I hear from Berkeley. I hope I get in.
One week from today I hear from Berkeley. I hope I get in.
Saturday, March 06, 2004
Mayor Bloomberg said today that he believes gay people deserve the same marriage benefits for their partnerships that straight people get. I wonder how it feels for gay people to have this national "conversation" going on around them as if they can't hear what people are saying. I mean, there are many people going onto the airwaves and in the newspapers talking about gay people as if they are this "other" thing...almost as if they aren't people. I suppose on some level by me talking here about gay people as a "them" I am doing the same. I don't know. All I know is that this movement to give gay people marriage rights as they are enjoyed by straight people isn't stopping anytime soon. And last week, as I sat in that restaurant in LA with Mer and her friends and heard them talk about commitment ceremonies and wanting to get married, Jen waking up next to her wife, Lucien waking up next to his husband...well, I got excited for them. I mean, the irony is that I am allowed to get married and I have yet to meet a man I want to spend my life with. Rinat is, legally, not allowed to get married but she and Lianna are as committed to each other as I hope to some day be to a man...
Anyway, I had my interview at Haas MBA program today. I can't decide if it went well or not. The whole day was pretty overwhelming...I mean, session after session, the same questions and information over and over again. Not too much food. And in the middle of all that, an interview. I guess I can be grateful that my interview was at 1pm and not 3pm. I think I may have been kind of wilty by 3pm. Anyway, I don't know how they decide who interviews you but I found it fascinating that my interviewer currently works at Levi's! It made for interesting conversation as I had to explain my short, four month stint at the company. I also thought it was interesting how different a background she had from mine. She was so finance focused and, well, I am clearly not. But I think that turned out to be a good thing, actually. Because I think she would be able to tell the Admissions Committee how someone "like me" would fit into a program where there are certainly more people "like her" than like me. Hopefully she sees that I would add value and dimension to the class and the program. But if not, you know, maybe that means I am not right for the program...so we will see. They are sending out decisions on March 15, apparently. So, one more week of wondering about Berkeley.
I did meet a cool girl today so if we both end up at Berkeley, at least I know there is someone I already connected with. She told me she applied to Stanford in Round One and got rejected. I don't know what kind of application I have compared to other people but I do have to say...I got discouraged. Oh well. As I have said many times before...it's out of my hands at this point.
Anyway, I had my interview at Haas MBA program today. I can't decide if it went well or not. The whole day was pretty overwhelming...I mean, session after session, the same questions and information over and over again. Not too much food. And in the middle of all that, an interview. I guess I can be grateful that my interview was at 1pm and not 3pm. I think I may have been kind of wilty by 3pm. Anyway, I don't know how they decide who interviews you but I found it fascinating that my interviewer currently works at Levi's! It made for interesting conversation as I had to explain my short, four month stint at the company. I also thought it was interesting how different a background she had from mine. She was so finance focused and, well, I am clearly not. But I think that turned out to be a good thing, actually. Because I think she would be able to tell the Admissions Committee how someone "like me" would fit into a program where there are certainly more people "like her" than like me. Hopefully she sees that I would add value and dimension to the class and the program. But if not, you know, maybe that means I am not right for the program...so we will see. They are sending out decisions on March 15, apparently. So, one more week of wondering about Berkeley.
I did meet a cool girl today so if we both end up at Berkeley, at least I know there is someone I already connected with. She told me she applied to Stanford in Round One and got rejected. I don't know what kind of application I have compared to other people but I do have to say...I got discouraged. Oh well. As I have said many times before...it's out of my hands at this point.
Monday, March 01, 2004
There is so much going on in the world - in San Francisco, in the US and in the rest of the world...Things suddenly feel hectic and I can't really put my finger on it. Perhaps the best thing to happen in a long time is the issuing of marriage licenses to gay people here in San Francisco. I LOVE IT! It is really the most appropriate place for that kind of civil disobedience to happen and I love that it is happening where I live. I hear people say, 'Now is not the time,' to force the gay marriage issue...And I say, "Fuck that." There is never a good time to force a difficult issue - there is always a reason to wait another day. And believe me, nobody wants to win this election in November more than I do. But to act as if this gay marriage issue would be the reason the Democrats would lose...well, I believe that is a view put forth by people who want to blame everyone else when they lose and not take responsibility for their own role in the failure. So I think it's great that we are issuing marriage licenses here in San Francisco. And now it seems they started doing the same in New Paltz, New York! NEW PALTZ? And a town in New Mexico said it would be willing to do the same. And Mayor Daley in Chicago said he would sign gay marriage licenses if Cook County began giving them out. And it will go on and on. And I think it's fabulous. I cannot, on any level, understand why gay people should not be allowed to get married. I simply do not understand how anyone can make a distinction between two men or two women committing their lives to each other and two people of the opposite sex doing the same. Especially considering that heterosexuals, who have been the only people "allowed" to marry, have done quite a job degrading this "holy institution of marriage" so that we now have a 50 percent divorce rate. So, I ask, what exactly are people so afraid of? Perhaos they are afraid that gay marriage might actually work...that gay people might commit their lives to each other in this way - an added piece of paper for many who have already done so - and it won't fail. And then people would have to see their relationships as legitimate commitments. And we know they don't want to do that.
Tomorrow is primary day. I think it will be a clean John Kerry sweep...and if so, I hope John Edwards bows out gracefully. I mean, I am not worried anymore about having a united Democratic Party - I think we will. I am, however, concerned that the longer John Edwards stays in the race, the less likely he will be to be named Kerry's running mate. And I think they are a winning ticket. Yes, I know, there are many other qualified men and women around the Democratic Party that Kerry could pick. But the Kerry/Edwards ticket seems like a great one...one that the pollsters and strategists would imagine as a dream team...But if Edwards doesn't leave the race soon, I think Kerry and his allies will grow weary of Edwards' nipping and he will squander his chances.
So did the U.S. kidnap Aristide? I guess I don't put anything past our government so I would not be surprised if we did. Crazy shit, though. And so strange because it is happening so close to our shores (relatively). I must say, the Aristide/kidnapped storyline is interesting...but, you know, Americans don't really care, for the most part, about what happens to black people. Harsh, I know. But true. Look at the difference between how Cuban's seeking asylum are treated when they come to Florida and how Haitians are treated. So I doubt the Haitian situation will really be a worry spot for the administration. But it does concern me...it seems just one more indication of the arrogance of our foreign policy...how we swoop in, force our perspective on a situation and use fists and guns to make change, rather than seeking diplomatic solutions.
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Crazy weekend...so much fun with Taylor and Rocky on Saturday night...it was one of those crazy evenings that happens maybe once every two years. The boy was cute...I think. The Jesus license plate around his neck definitely gives me pause...but he was lovely and fun. Not too many men are secure enough, in my opinion, to tag along with three women (he just met) to a fancy dinner and late night karaoke and let loose. But he did. And I think it's hilarious that he had to go home earlier than we did because he was getting up in the morning to restore a riverbed or something like that...he is on the board of some nonprofit conservation group! Anyway, fun all around.
Tomorrow is primary day. I think it will be a clean John Kerry sweep...and if so, I hope John Edwards bows out gracefully. I mean, I am not worried anymore about having a united Democratic Party - I think we will. I am, however, concerned that the longer John Edwards stays in the race, the less likely he will be to be named Kerry's running mate. And I think they are a winning ticket. Yes, I know, there are many other qualified men and women around the Democratic Party that Kerry could pick. But the Kerry/Edwards ticket seems like a great one...one that the pollsters and strategists would imagine as a dream team...But if Edwards doesn't leave the race soon, I think Kerry and his allies will grow weary of Edwards' nipping and he will squander his chances.
So did the U.S. kidnap Aristide? I guess I don't put anything past our government so I would not be surprised if we did. Crazy shit, though. And so strange because it is happening so close to our shores (relatively). I must say, the Aristide/kidnapped storyline is interesting...but, you know, Americans don't really care, for the most part, about what happens to black people. Harsh, I know. But true. Look at the difference between how Cuban's seeking asylum are treated when they come to Florida and how Haitians are treated. So I doubt the Haitian situation will really be a worry spot for the administration. But it does concern me...it seems just one more indication of the arrogance of our foreign policy...how we swoop in, force our perspective on a situation and use fists and guns to make change, rather than seeking diplomatic solutions.
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Crazy weekend...so much fun with Taylor and Rocky on Saturday night...it was one of those crazy evenings that happens maybe once every two years. The boy was cute...I think. The Jesus license plate around his neck definitely gives me pause...but he was lovely and fun. Not too many men are secure enough, in my opinion, to tag along with three women (he just met) to a fancy dinner and late night karaoke and let loose. But he did. And I think it's hilarious that he had to go home earlier than we did because he was getting up in the morning to restore a riverbed or something like that...he is on the board of some nonprofit conservation group! Anyway, fun all around.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Monday, February 23, 2004
Another invitation to interview...this time from Berkeley. That's two down, two to go. Sadly I have not heard one word from Harvard or Stanford. I have no idea how their processes work or what their timelines are...I only know that I will know something on March 31.
The news is kind of boring these days with no interesting primaries happening. There are a few primaries tomorrow but nothing major...Next Tuesday is the night to watch. I hope things wrap up shortly thereafter. I am ready for our party to get beyond the primaries, beyond Ralph Nader's egomaniacal grab for newspaper headlines and onto the business of defeating the right-wing machine that is currently running our country into the ground.
The news is kind of boring these days with no interesting primaries happening. There are a few primaries tomorrow but nothing major...Next Tuesday is the night to watch. I hope things wrap up shortly thereafter. I am ready for our party to get beyond the primaries, beyond Ralph Nader's egomaniacal grab for newspaper headlines and onto the business of defeating the right-wing machine that is currently running our country into the ground.
Saturday, February 21, 2004
So much to say...since politics have receded from the headlines, I suppose they can recede from my blog for a moment. Earlier this week I learned that a co-worker's fiance had an anxiety attack while he was at work. I am not sure if I was supposed to know about it...but I did. So the next time I saw her I pulled her aside and asked her how he was doing. I told her about my experience dealing with anxiety back in 1994...she was, as most people are, surprised. I think people are surprised not so much that I dealt with such a real and debilitating mental health problem, but rather that I talk so openly about it. And so I explained to her why I am so open about it.
When I was dealing with my anxiety back in 1994 I was 21 years old. I didn't know it was anxiety that was waking me up in the middle of the night with a tight chest and tingling in my hands and feet. I thought I had poor circulation...eventually I convinced myself I had a heart condition. Eventually the anxiety did worse than wake me - it kept me from going to sleep. I was afraid to sleep because I thought for sure that I would have a heart attack in the middle of the night and die...somehow I convinced myself that if I stayed awake, I could keep the killer heart attack at bay. The anxiety also kept me in the house. Sure, I went out on occasion - I was 21 years old living in Washington, DC...I couldn't help but be social. But I always left early because my head would be spinning, I would feel a shortness of breath and that certainty of my impending death sent me home (after all, I would much rather die in my apartment than at Bardo or the Tombs!)...For months I struggled with the certainty that I was suffering from some scary disease but was too scared to tell anyone about it...I felt somehow ashamed about it. The only person I would ever mention it to was Behnaz...I don't know why she was a safe place to talk about it but she was. I called her often times in the middle of the night crying, explaining that I was afraid to go to sleep. She would invite me over to her apartment and let me sleep in her bed while she slept on the couch. She would put a "Sounds of the Ocean" CD on and tuck me in...Within minutes I was asleep. Eventually I bought my own copy of that CD (late one night I was so stressed about sleeping that I ran to Tower Records in Foggy Bottom, which closed at midnight, to get a CD so I could sleep in my own bed) and it was the only way I could ever fall asleep at night.
It all came to a head when I went to Boston with R____ one weekend in early June. We went out with Ted and his friend to some random bar in Cambridge...I was paranoid, certain that people were staring at me and that they knew about my secret. I got up to go to the bathroom and my chest felt so tight, my head so soupy, that I had to get out of there. I managed to convince the rest of them we had to go and so we left. R____, Ted and I went back to our hotel in Wellesley. I couldn't sleep, of course, and didn't have my CD with me to help. I went to the bathroom and started to throw up...My heart was racing, my head was spinning out of control. I couldn't take it anymore. I woke Ted in a panic..."Take me to the hospital, I think I am having a heart attack." He drove as fast as he could to the nearest hospital and I went to the emergency room. I explained my symptoms but when the nurse took my pulse it was normal. That didn't make any sense to me...They called me into the back of the ER and laid me into a bed. The doctor gave me two little yellow pills, which I found out later were valium. It was here that I found out that what I had been suffering from all those months was...ANXIETY. I was having almost daily anxiety attacks, made worse by the anxiety the attacks themselves cause. Also made worse by all the caffeine I was drinking...in order to stay awake at my two jobs (the first one was 7:30am til about 4:30pm...then I headed to the restaurant where I was working and worked there usually until at least midnight, often times later. Then, to not be held captive by my need to work two jobs, I went out - just about every night - with my restaurant co-workers to the Red Lion (a bar next door)). So, I would get a double latte at Dean & DeLuca every morning on my way to work. Once I was done with that, I would break into my jug of iced tea that I made every night at home - several tea bags steeped into about a gallon of water...Then, when I got to the restaurant, I would drink iced tea all night long (since I didn't drink soda). Needless to say, that's too much caffeine for one person!
The ER doctor ordered me to immediately go cold turkey on the caffeine. I couldn't even do decaf. He should also have ordered me to undergo a psychaitric evaluation (I know that now!)...But he did tell me that I had too much stress in my life. Between the two jobs - both of which I hated, the long distance relationship and my slowly but surely dying grandma, I was about as taxed as one 21 year old woman could be! So, I cut out my coffee habit and got a new job - one that paid enough so I could quit the restaurant gig. The anxiety went away temporarily but crept back in as my grandmother's health worsened, I moved into my own apartment and my boss at the new job took to verbally abusing me! When my Grandma died, that was about all I could handle. I started to have dreams that my teeth were falling out. It felt so real...apparently those kinds of dreams are anxiety dreams...and so it was back in full force. All the Sounds of the Ocean CDs in the world couldn't make my stress and fear go away. Nothing helped me to feel in control. And I still felt too ashamed to tell anyone what was going on...I mean, some people knew (like R___ and my mother and sister) but not many. So, I quit my job and left DC to move home with my mom...I then made my way out to California where, miraculously, the anxiety attacks stopped. Therapy had to help! Sure, every rare once in a while I will have one...but at least I know what it is...know that I am not in fact dying and know that it's an opportunity to take stock of what's going on in my life and my head so I can get a handle on it. Of course, now I am 31, not 21 - big difference. And I am not ashamed by it anymore. In fact, I have found that by talking about it, I have helped a lot of other people come to terms with their own anxiety. Having gone through it, I was able to have compassion for A____ when he had anxiety. I remember talking to Vaness about it a couple of years later and she said she had experienced the same thing but never talked to anyone about it. Then I talked to M___ F____ and he said the same thing. It occured to me that more people suffer from this thing than we realize and most people are ashamed or afraid to talk about it. But when people meet another person who went through it - someone who is smart and appears to have their shit together - they realize they are not alone, they are not "crazy" and then are not less-than.
Wow, that was a ramble...and I left out so many details...but I had to get it down. I will fix it up later.
So I hope K____'s fiance is okay. And I do hope he gets some help
And next on the agenda, for another non-political day, is my favorite topic - DATING! I need to explore this idea about men who may be off-limits because your friends have a history with them or are interested in them...Usually my moral compass is reliable and I can figure these things out for myself. But once in a while I need clarification. Writing it out usually helps!
When I was dealing with my anxiety back in 1994 I was 21 years old. I didn't know it was anxiety that was waking me up in the middle of the night with a tight chest and tingling in my hands and feet. I thought I had poor circulation...eventually I convinced myself I had a heart condition. Eventually the anxiety did worse than wake me - it kept me from going to sleep. I was afraid to sleep because I thought for sure that I would have a heart attack in the middle of the night and die...somehow I convinced myself that if I stayed awake, I could keep the killer heart attack at bay. The anxiety also kept me in the house. Sure, I went out on occasion - I was 21 years old living in Washington, DC...I couldn't help but be social. But I always left early because my head would be spinning, I would feel a shortness of breath and that certainty of my impending death sent me home (after all, I would much rather die in my apartment than at Bardo or the Tombs!)...For months I struggled with the certainty that I was suffering from some scary disease but was too scared to tell anyone about it...I felt somehow ashamed about it. The only person I would ever mention it to was Behnaz...I don't know why she was a safe place to talk about it but she was. I called her often times in the middle of the night crying, explaining that I was afraid to go to sleep. She would invite me over to her apartment and let me sleep in her bed while she slept on the couch. She would put a "Sounds of the Ocean" CD on and tuck me in...Within minutes I was asleep. Eventually I bought my own copy of that CD (late one night I was so stressed about sleeping that I ran to Tower Records in Foggy Bottom, which closed at midnight, to get a CD so I could sleep in my own bed) and it was the only way I could ever fall asleep at night.
It all came to a head when I went to Boston with R____ one weekend in early June. We went out with Ted and his friend to some random bar in Cambridge...I was paranoid, certain that people were staring at me and that they knew about my secret. I got up to go to the bathroom and my chest felt so tight, my head so soupy, that I had to get out of there. I managed to convince the rest of them we had to go and so we left. R____, Ted and I went back to our hotel in Wellesley. I couldn't sleep, of course, and didn't have my CD with me to help. I went to the bathroom and started to throw up...My heart was racing, my head was spinning out of control. I couldn't take it anymore. I woke Ted in a panic..."Take me to the hospital, I think I am having a heart attack." He drove as fast as he could to the nearest hospital and I went to the emergency room. I explained my symptoms but when the nurse took my pulse it was normal. That didn't make any sense to me...They called me into the back of the ER and laid me into a bed. The doctor gave me two little yellow pills, which I found out later were valium. It was here that I found out that what I had been suffering from all those months was...ANXIETY. I was having almost daily anxiety attacks, made worse by the anxiety the attacks themselves cause. Also made worse by all the caffeine I was drinking...in order to stay awake at my two jobs (the first one was 7:30am til about 4:30pm...then I headed to the restaurant where I was working and worked there usually until at least midnight, often times later. Then, to not be held captive by my need to work two jobs, I went out - just about every night - with my restaurant co-workers to the Red Lion (a bar next door)). So, I would get a double latte at Dean & DeLuca every morning on my way to work. Once I was done with that, I would break into my jug of iced tea that I made every night at home - several tea bags steeped into about a gallon of water...Then, when I got to the restaurant, I would drink iced tea all night long (since I didn't drink soda). Needless to say, that's too much caffeine for one person!
The ER doctor ordered me to immediately go cold turkey on the caffeine. I couldn't even do decaf. He should also have ordered me to undergo a psychaitric evaluation (I know that now!)...But he did tell me that I had too much stress in my life. Between the two jobs - both of which I hated, the long distance relationship and my slowly but surely dying grandma, I was about as taxed as one 21 year old woman could be! So, I cut out my coffee habit and got a new job - one that paid enough so I could quit the restaurant gig. The anxiety went away temporarily but crept back in as my grandmother's health worsened, I moved into my own apartment and my boss at the new job took to verbally abusing me! When my Grandma died, that was about all I could handle. I started to have dreams that my teeth were falling out. It felt so real...apparently those kinds of dreams are anxiety dreams...and so it was back in full force. All the Sounds of the Ocean CDs in the world couldn't make my stress and fear go away. Nothing helped me to feel in control. And I still felt too ashamed to tell anyone what was going on...I mean, some people knew (like R___ and my mother and sister) but not many. So, I quit my job and left DC to move home with my mom...I then made my way out to California where, miraculously, the anxiety attacks stopped. Therapy had to help! Sure, every rare once in a while I will have one...but at least I know what it is...know that I am not in fact dying and know that it's an opportunity to take stock of what's going on in my life and my head so I can get a handle on it. Of course, now I am 31, not 21 - big difference. And I am not ashamed by it anymore. In fact, I have found that by talking about it, I have helped a lot of other people come to terms with their own anxiety. Having gone through it, I was able to have compassion for A____ when he had anxiety. I remember talking to Vaness about it a couple of years later and she said she had experienced the same thing but never talked to anyone about it. Then I talked to M___ F____ and he said the same thing. It occured to me that more people suffer from this thing than we realize and most people are ashamed or afraid to talk about it. But when people meet another person who went through it - someone who is smart and appears to have their shit together - they realize they are not alone, they are not "crazy" and then are not less-than.
Wow, that was a ramble...and I left out so many details...but I had to get it down. I will fix it up later.
So I hope K____'s fiance is okay. And I do hope he gets some help
And next on the agenda, for another non-political day, is my favorite topic - DATING! I need to explore this idea about men who may be off-limits because your friends have a history with them or are interested in them...Usually my moral compass is reliable and I can figure these things out for myself. But once in a while I need clarification. Writing it out usually helps!
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
For some reason I am feeling more and more anxious about school...I wish I would hear from someone already! Even if it's just a rejection...something to feel as though things are moving along. I mean, my Columbia interview was two weeks ago...how long does it take them to notify after an interview? BB said he interviewed someone and shortly thereafter they were notified by the school...I know each candidate is different but I just wish I would hear something. I think part of the reason I am feeling antsy is that I am starting to formulate a plan for my summer and it's starting to sound really great - traveling throughout Europe, meeting up with friends, following part of the Tour de France, heading back to the US and working or volunteering at the Democratic National Convention...that takes me to the end of July...then I can head back to San Francisco, welcome Beep's new baby into the world, and get my things together and move across the country, or get my things together and move to Palo Alto, or get my things together and move into a cheaper apartment around here. Then I turn 32 (!) and then Buzzie has her baby...then it's back east to Peter's wedding...and school starts. See, it all fits so nicely together...and as soon as I get word - one way or another - I can plan my summer...I can't plan much beyond that, though, because as they say, "life is what happens when you are making other plans."
Interesting night in Wisconsin tonite...John Kerry won - and a win is a win is a win, whether by five percentage points or by fifteen. but John Edwards had a good showing for sure...though apparently (according to CNN) a lot of Wisconsin Republicans voted for him. I think you can read that one of two ways: Either he appeals to Republicans and would be a good choice against GWB; or Republicans set out to spoil John Kerry's lead because GWB and his party know that Kerry is the most formidable opponent he will face and as of today, Kerry would win.
Interesting night in Wisconsin tonite...John Kerry won - and a win is a win is a win, whether by five percentage points or by fifteen. but John Edwards had a good showing for sure...though apparently (according to CNN) a lot of Wisconsin Republicans voted for him. I think you can read that one of two ways: Either he appeals to Republicans and would be a good choice against GWB; or Republicans set out to spoil John Kerry's lead because GWB and his party know that Kerry is the most formidable opponent he will face and as of today, Kerry would win.
Monday, February 16, 2004
I can't believe Steve Grossman quit the Dean campaign. I mean, I can believe it. Of course...Dean's campaign is pretty much out of juice...but I guess whenever I see Steve's name in print I am surprised. He has really become such a player in the Democratic Party since I used to work for him back in 1992...I remember so clear his son, Josh, who feel in love with me when he was just three years old! He called me Gummi Bear Marcy...So years later when Steve became the Chairman of the National Democratic Party, I guess I couldn't believe it...I mean, I had this old connection with this man who was now a major player. And then he ran for Governor of Massachusetts...he lost, unfortunately, but I emailed him during his campaign and he wrote back, reminisced a bit and was generally kind and upbeat. Then I read that he was the national Chairman for Howard Dean's campaign...and I am not going to lie, it definitely had an impact on me. Though I never thought Dean would be the guy, the president...I liked what he had to say and my first look was certainly related to Steve Grossman's involvement.
So when I read today that he left Dean's camp and that he was heading over to Kerry, well, I got a warm feeling. I was surprised he wasn't with Kerry from the beginning...just with the whole Massachusetts connection...but he is going there now. So, it makes me feel even better...and even more connected to the Kerry campaign...all my old colleages seem to be already there or heading that way...so by the time I am ready to commit to him, it might be like going home. Okay, so perhaps that is a bit dramatic...but still, I am getting more and more excited for the upcoming campaign.
So when I read today that he left Dean's camp and that he was heading over to Kerry, well, I got a warm feeling. I was surprised he wasn't with Kerry from the beginning...just with the whole Massachusetts connection...but he is going there now. So, it makes me feel even better...and even more connected to the Kerry campaign...all my old colleages seem to be already there or heading that way...so by the time I am ready to commit to him, it might be like going home. Okay, so perhaps that is a bit dramatic...but still, I am getting more and more excited for the upcoming campaign.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Wesley Clark officially dropped out today. Truth is, he looked more spirited and upbeat at his campaign closure speech than he has looked for most of the campaign...it seems he just hit his stride! And he pledges to campaign for the Democratic Party, which is awesome...for the Party and for him...I get the feeling that he will run for elective office sometime soon in Arkansas...unless Kerry wins, in which case General Clark can be Secretary of State. If I was slightly less realistic, I might do my cabinet wish list right here and now...VP - Edwards; State - Gen. Clark; Attorney General - Eliot Spitzer (it will never happen but it's nice to dream!!); Labor - Gephardt...Okay, I will stop now. Anyway, now that things appear to be narrowing, and Kerry seems to be running away with it, I am starting to get excited and also nervous...I am ready to jump in, lend a hand. I really think I want to hold a fundraiser of some sort this summer.
Speaking of this summer...I don't know why I expected that all schools start in mid to late- September...but it seems Stanford is the only one that I applied to that starts in this time frame...Berkeley starts on August 9! MY BIRTHDAY! Imagine I got into Berkeley and had to start school on my birthday? I wonder if I will get called for an interview...they start sending out interview invitations at the end of this week...and basically if you don't get an interview, you don't get in...so now I get to stress about whether or not I will be invited to interview. And it sounds like the interview date for locals is March 6. So, I guess I will see what happens. And I still wait to hear from Stanford and Harvard and, of course, Columbia. Seems weird that Columbia was one of the last applications I submitted and yet that application seems farthest along. Oh well, there really does not appear to be any rhyme or reason to this process. I do hope I get in, though...at least to one location...I think if I did, I would immediately give notice. But I have to admit, I hope I get in more than one place...and I hope I get into something locally. I am trying not to think too much about it because the truth is, it's out of my hands at this point. I think it would be fun to have a business school blog...so if I get in, I think I will do that!
And things in the romance department are slowing down...or seem to be. BB and I...it's just not seeming to happen. I don't know how I feel about him...can't decide if I like him or rather how much I like him and the way we are going, I don't know that I will ge the chance to figure it out. I don't know what the issue is...it's like, we just aren't that into each other. Like there maybe isn't chemistry...we can't tell. But at the same time, we aren't really taking steps to be able to determine if there's anything there. And I guess I am putting it all on him...I guess I am still skittish and unwilling to take the lead or the initiative...So I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about what he's not doing right, what I don't like about him, why it's not working. Jess said that it sounds to her like I don't like him very much...or if I do, I am not really signaling that. But my question is, how do you know? I mean, how do you know if you like someone? How do you tell the difference between liking him and wanting him to like you? How do you tell the difference between not liking him and not knowing him well enough to know if you don't like him or you just don't know him? Does that even make sense? As I have continued to say, we shall see. I know it is incumbent upon me to say something...but the truth is, I am sick of talking about things with him...I want things to just happen. One way or another, it doesn't seem like there should be quite so much talking. So I have a feeling it will fade...And if he calls me, well, if he calls me and asks me out, I will go and that will be my last effort...and if we go out, I will bring it up...tell him what I want from him in order to get to know him better - to see if I like him or if there is any chemistry (which Jess says I haven't yet done). And we will go from there. In the meantime, I am going to continue what I have been doing...meeting other people, keeping my mind and my heart open. And I will stay away from the only one that really catches my attention right now...he's still off limits and despite our history and our clear connection, I need to remember that.
Speaking of this summer...I don't know why I expected that all schools start in mid to late- September...but it seems Stanford is the only one that I applied to that starts in this time frame...Berkeley starts on August 9! MY BIRTHDAY! Imagine I got into Berkeley and had to start school on my birthday? I wonder if I will get called for an interview...they start sending out interview invitations at the end of this week...and basically if you don't get an interview, you don't get in...so now I get to stress about whether or not I will be invited to interview. And it sounds like the interview date for locals is March 6. So, I guess I will see what happens. And I still wait to hear from Stanford and Harvard and, of course, Columbia. Seems weird that Columbia was one of the last applications I submitted and yet that application seems farthest along. Oh well, there really does not appear to be any rhyme or reason to this process. I do hope I get in, though...at least to one location...I think if I did, I would immediately give notice. But I have to admit, I hope I get in more than one place...and I hope I get into something locally. I am trying not to think too much about it because the truth is, it's out of my hands at this point. I think it would be fun to have a business school blog...so if I get in, I think I will do that!
And things in the romance department are slowing down...or seem to be. BB and I...it's just not seeming to happen. I don't know how I feel about him...can't decide if I like him or rather how much I like him and the way we are going, I don't know that I will ge the chance to figure it out. I don't know what the issue is...it's like, we just aren't that into each other. Like there maybe isn't chemistry...we can't tell. But at the same time, we aren't really taking steps to be able to determine if there's anything there. And I guess I am putting it all on him...I guess I am still skittish and unwilling to take the lead or the initiative...So I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about what he's not doing right, what I don't like about him, why it's not working. Jess said that it sounds to her like I don't like him very much...or if I do, I am not really signaling that. But my question is, how do you know? I mean, how do you know if you like someone? How do you tell the difference between liking him and wanting him to like you? How do you tell the difference between not liking him and not knowing him well enough to know if you don't like him or you just don't know him? Does that even make sense? As I have continued to say, we shall see. I know it is incumbent upon me to say something...but the truth is, I am sick of talking about things with him...I want things to just happen. One way or another, it doesn't seem like there should be quite so much talking. So I have a feeling it will fade...And if he calls me, well, if he calls me and asks me out, I will go and that will be my last effort...and if we go out, I will bring it up...tell him what I want from him in order to get to know him better - to see if I like him or if there is any chemistry (which Jess says I haven't yet done). And we will go from there. In the meantime, I am going to continue what I have been doing...meeting other people, keeping my mind and my heart open. And I will stay away from the only one that really catches my attention right now...he's still off limits and despite our history and our clear connection, I need to remember that.
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
John Kerry won tonight in Virginia and Tennessee...Wesley Clark, the only candidate to whom I sent money (in an effort to ensure he got a fair shot in the race I sent him $50...he seemed to need it the most!) appears to be dropping out. The field continues to narrow...and though Edwards tries hard to spin this as a two man race between himself and Kerry, the real two man race is between Kerry and Bush.
I did hear someone on CNN tonight say that the Democrats are talking about announcing the VP choice sooner than the convention, just as I suggested...chances are they didn't get this idea from me...but it does make me feel smart to know that I thought of it myself...didn't have to hear it on Larry King Live to know it was the right thing to do...shit, I thought we should have done it that way in 2000.
Anyway, I am psyched that we are narrowing in on our guy...I think I will throw a fundraiser for him this summer...that will be fun - a house party fundriaser for my former boss...maybe I will even volunteer on the campaign during the month of August. I would love to volunteer for the convention...I should call Jim King and get on that...
I did hear someone on CNN tonight say that the Democrats are talking about announcing the VP choice sooner than the convention, just as I suggested...chances are they didn't get this idea from me...but it does make me feel smart to know that I thought of it myself...didn't have to hear it on Larry King Live to know it was the right thing to do...shit, I thought we should have done it that way in 2000.
Anyway, I am psyched that we are narrowing in on our guy...I think I will throw a fundraiser for him this summer...that will be fun - a house party fundriaser for my former boss...maybe I will even volunteer on the campaign during the month of August. I would love to volunteer for the convention...I should call Jim King and get on that...
Sunday, February 08, 2004
John Kerry appears unstoppable at this point...he swept the primaries/caucuses of the weekend (Washington, Michigan and Maine)...I can't imagine there is much that will stop his ascent to the position of party nominee at this point...The only problem I have with it being over so early and with the press basically anointing him the nominee is that he doesn't get to be hammered by his opponents, we don't get to see how he weathers the blows...he is going to get hit so hard by the Republicans, it would have been good for him to feel some of the heat early so he can get used to it...though I will say, his 96 reelection campaign was no cakewalk...well, we shall see. I am getting excited...he seems like a good choice, he seems like he really wants to win...he has found his fire, which I think is crucial to success...Sadly, I am not convinced that we will win...but I am looking forward to the fight!
It has been an absolutely stellar weekend here in San Francisco. The weather, with the exception of some minor rainshowers Friday evening, was flawless. And I had a fabulous weekend to go right along with the fabulous weather! It was great to see Sara and catch up...it's been so long since we got to hang out and just have quality girl time...her boyfriend seems nice, if a bit older...but you know, she deserves someone to be nice to her...and he seems to be. I doubt she will end up with him long term, but for now it seems to be working for her. Then on to the Danny Hoch salon on Friday night at Trell's place, which was great. It was fun to see him after having not seen him for something like 16 years! I am so happy for him and so happy for his success. And it is well deserved. What he is doing as an artist is amazing, putting words and voice to a generation trying to find its own voice. And his knowledge - of history, of theater, of politics - is impressive...The way he uses those to form his work is just awesome.
Then Saturday I had a lovely "date" with BB. We went to breakfast and then the Farmer's Market and then the bookstore. That was supposed to be it...but then we ended up running some errands and grabbing lunch, too. I had a nice day with him...he is funny and fun to hang out with and sometimes I feel so comfortable with him...whatever it is, I feel some kind of ease and connection... but only sometimes. But then other times I wonder what the hell am I doing there. We are so different in so many ways (he said he would vote for Bush!!!). He talks so much, which I like...but sometimes I feel like I can't get a word in edgewise...and then when I do, I feel like he isn't necessarily totally listening. And he isn't much of a communicator...sometimes we start talking about things that are perhaps uncomfortable or exposing, and he will say, "I have never had a conversation like this with anyone..." and I can't imagine that...And there is not much affection. Rather, he does not seem to be especially affectionate - or at least towards me, which may be telling after all. So I say "date" because I don't know if we are actually on dates...or are we just friends spending the day together? I just don't know how I feel about him and what, if anything, I want from him or from this thing we are doing...part of me thinks it will never work out and part of me thinks it could be really great...but deep down, in my gut (which Buzzie reminded me today, is the place I need to go to in order to really know what I want), I don't see it happening...not sure why...well, actually, yes I am...I don't think we are an emotional match...I don't think he is emotionally generous in the same way I am and I can't see myself spending much time in something that doesn't feel warm and soft and engaging...and that is that. Whatever...time will tell, right? I feel the end is near...either because he will end it or because I will...I am nearing a tipping point; this thing is going have to head in one direction or another...and I sense that I am not on the verge of a relationship with this guy...I guess I am prematurely sad at the idea of it ending...can't tell if that's because I like BB or because endings are sad.
Anyway, that was Saturday day...then Saturday afternoon the monkey came up to the city...we went for a short run, had some wine and then dinner and then headed to see Danny Hoch's show, "Jails, Hospitals & Hip Hop" at the JCC. It was a great performance and I felt strangely proud of him...Then we headed to North Beach for the party in honor of Tracey Gropper to raise money for breast cancer...It was an okay party...It was fun to go dancing with the monkey and it was nice to see some folks...it was a weird collision of my triathlon world and my Jewish community world...somethng about it was uncomfortable for me and I want to think about and explore that some more! And of course I was a little put off by Madje and her veiled anti-semitic remark...(and of course Jay and his littering...who litters in 2004??) But the monkey and I left and came back home, stayed up talking until 230am. Then this morning Buzzie picked me up at 830, we hit the Grove for breakfast and then took a nice long walk on Crissy Field. The weather was just phenomenal and we had such a great time catching up, talking about everything, from BB to pregnancy to business school to politics to hip hop...you name it, we talked about it. Then Rocky and I went for a nice long swim and then got some lunch...I came home, read the paper and took a nap! Then BB called and woke me...and now I am watching some TV and getting it all down on "paper."
The highlight of my week this week was the Tu B'Shvat seder I went to on Thursday night. It was so lovely...I cannot believe I have never heard of this particular Jewish holiday...but I swear, I have never felt more Jewish and more connected to being Jewish than I did that night...The way the Rabbi talked about spirituality and its connection to the earth...the way he talked about fruit being an extension of God...I never related more to a Jewish concept...It's so strange because I have always felt that I most believe in God when I am eating a piece of fruit...I never peel an orange without knowing, in my soul, that there is a God (and I eat an orange almost every day!). And to have that feeling turned into a Jewish holiday...well, I was beside myself...
The highlight of my weekend was when Buzzie asked me if I would be in the delivery room when she gives birth later this summer...I couldn't believe it...what an honor for me...I am sure it will be freaky and scary and probably more than a little bit gross, but I am so thrilled to be there and help her and support her through it...
It has been an absolutely stellar weekend here in San Francisco. The weather, with the exception of some minor rainshowers Friday evening, was flawless. And I had a fabulous weekend to go right along with the fabulous weather! It was great to see Sara and catch up...it's been so long since we got to hang out and just have quality girl time...her boyfriend seems nice, if a bit older...but you know, she deserves someone to be nice to her...and he seems to be. I doubt she will end up with him long term, but for now it seems to be working for her. Then on to the Danny Hoch salon on Friday night at Trell's place, which was great. It was fun to see him after having not seen him for something like 16 years! I am so happy for him and so happy for his success. And it is well deserved. What he is doing as an artist is amazing, putting words and voice to a generation trying to find its own voice. And his knowledge - of history, of theater, of politics - is impressive...The way he uses those to form his work is just awesome.
Then Saturday I had a lovely "date" with BB. We went to breakfast and then the Farmer's Market and then the bookstore. That was supposed to be it...but then we ended up running some errands and grabbing lunch, too. I had a nice day with him...he is funny and fun to hang out with and sometimes I feel so comfortable with him...whatever it is, I feel some kind of ease and connection... but only sometimes. But then other times I wonder what the hell am I doing there. We are so different in so many ways (he said he would vote for Bush!!!). He talks so much, which I like...but sometimes I feel like I can't get a word in edgewise...and then when I do, I feel like he isn't necessarily totally listening. And he isn't much of a communicator...sometimes we start talking about things that are perhaps uncomfortable or exposing, and he will say, "I have never had a conversation like this with anyone..." and I can't imagine that...And there is not much affection. Rather, he does not seem to be especially affectionate - or at least towards me, which may be telling after all. So I say "date" because I don't know if we are actually on dates...or are we just friends spending the day together? I just don't know how I feel about him and what, if anything, I want from him or from this thing we are doing...part of me thinks it will never work out and part of me thinks it could be really great...but deep down, in my gut (which Buzzie reminded me today, is the place I need to go to in order to really know what I want), I don't see it happening...not sure why...well, actually, yes I am...I don't think we are an emotional match...I don't think he is emotionally generous in the same way I am and I can't see myself spending much time in something that doesn't feel warm and soft and engaging...and that is that. Whatever...time will tell, right? I feel the end is near...either because he will end it or because I will...I am nearing a tipping point; this thing is going have to head in one direction or another...and I sense that I am not on the verge of a relationship with this guy...I guess I am prematurely sad at the idea of it ending...can't tell if that's because I like BB or because endings are sad.
Anyway, that was Saturday day...then Saturday afternoon the monkey came up to the city...we went for a short run, had some wine and then dinner and then headed to see Danny Hoch's show, "Jails, Hospitals & Hip Hop" at the JCC. It was a great performance and I felt strangely proud of him...Then we headed to North Beach for the party in honor of Tracey Gropper to raise money for breast cancer...It was an okay party...It was fun to go dancing with the monkey and it was nice to see some folks...it was a weird collision of my triathlon world and my Jewish community world...somethng about it was uncomfortable for me and I want to think about and explore that some more! And of course I was a little put off by Madje and her veiled anti-semitic remark...(and of course Jay and his littering...who litters in 2004??) But the monkey and I left and came back home, stayed up talking until 230am. Then this morning Buzzie picked me up at 830, we hit the Grove for breakfast and then took a nice long walk on Crissy Field. The weather was just phenomenal and we had such a great time catching up, talking about everything, from BB to pregnancy to business school to politics to hip hop...you name it, we talked about it. Then Rocky and I went for a nice long swim and then got some lunch...I came home, read the paper and took a nap! Then BB called and woke me...and now I am watching some TV and getting it all down on "paper."
The highlight of my week this week was the Tu B'Shvat seder I went to on Thursday night. It was so lovely...I cannot believe I have never heard of this particular Jewish holiday...but I swear, I have never felt more Jewish and more connected to being Jewish than I did that night...The way the Rabbi talked about spirituality and its connection to the earth...the way he talked about fruit being an extension of God...I never related more to a Jewish concept...It's so strange because I have always felt that I most believe in God when I am eating a piece of fruit...I never peel an orange without knowing, in my soul, that there is a God (and I eat an orange almost every day!). And to have that feeling turned into a Jewish holiday...well, I was beside myself...
The highlight of my weekend was when Buzzie asked me if I would be in the delivery room when she gives birth later this summer...I couldn't believe it...what an honor for me...I am sure it will be freaky and scary and probably more than a little bit gross, but I am so thrilled to be there and help her and support her through it...
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
WOOHOO! According to a Gallup poll, if the election were held today, John Kerry would comfortably beat Bush and John Edwards would also beat him (though by a smaller margin). That's what I needed to hear. For sure, there is a long way to go...There is a lot of time until November and the Republicans have a shitload of cash to burn on trashing our nominee. Not to mention anything can happen and we just can't foresee or plan for it...I do believe, though, that the momentum is in our favor and Bush is just one big fuckup and if anyone can screw things up he can...I think he used up all his daddy favors...no Supreme Court will appoint him to his second term! I still like Clark...he's a good guy with a unifying ability, I believe. He is an asset to our party. But I am happy to jump on the Kerry bandwagon, as soon as it's the only wagon left (but not sooner). I do like him...and I have the loyalty thing going, seeing as he was my former employer and was also responsible for me getting my first job out of college. But I am going to wait...until he is the nominee. And if it isn't him...I will back whoever it is. Because at this point I would be happy with any of the three real contendersn- Clark, Kerry or Edwards...
Sadly, the excitement of what is shaping up to be a fantastic Democratic primary race is tempered by the seemingly ceaseless media whoredom!! John Kerry won five of seven states today (good for him!) and the talking heads on CNN were acting as if there were three winners tonight - Kerry, Clark (won one state) and Edwards (also one won state - his home state!)...I mean, I love Clark and I like Edwards. I am psyched they both did well in the one state (each) that they needed to do well in. But come on...Kerry won five states out of seven, by wide, comfortable margins. And he did this just one month after he was all but pronounced dead by those in the (pretend to) know. So give the guy his due.
Sadly, the excitement of what is shaping up to be a fantastic Democratic primary race is tempered by the seemingly ceaseless media whoredom!! John Kerry won five of seven states today (good for him!) and the talking heads on CNN were acting as if there were three winners tonight - Kerry, Clark (won one state) and Edwards (also one won state - his home state!)...I mean, I love Clark and I like Edwards. I am psyched they both did well in the one state (each) that they needed to do well in. But come on...Kerry won five states out of seven, by wide, comfortable margins. And he did this just one month after he was all but pronounced dead by those in the (pretend to) know. So give the guy his due.
Monday, February 02, 2004
This is a great story.
Big day for the primaries is coming...can JFK (the 2004 version) go seven for seven?
Big day for the primaries is coming...can JFK (the 2004 version) go seven for seven?