Thank goodness it's Wednesday (TGIW??)...it's time for President Bartlett, the one I wish was President instead of the one we have.

Before I get into tonight's "musing" session, I have some housekeeping to take care of...until I figure out how to do links on the side of the page, I am doing them here. Check out Julie Trell's blog - she just started it. It's funny that I am linking to it considering she is the only one who even almost reads this. But in case I someday take this more public, or some random happens upon my little corner of the world, I want to have the link in here.

Okay...I really love my women friends. Now, I love my men friends, but there is something about "girlfriends" that is extra special...and anyone who has them gets this. For much of my life, I usually had one very close girlfriend - maybe two - a bunch of good friends and acquaintances (female) and great connections with "boys." Except in junior high school, when there was a group of seven of us that were B.F.F.s - "best friends forever" - me, Stacy Sholkoff, Nicole Trocino, Darlene DeSimone, Dawn Bauer, Dianna Migliaccio and Jolie Gaglio. Now, the farce of that is a whole different story for a different time (I would rather not live through that again right now). Anyway, as one might guess, that didn't work out too well..and for good reason. There was a lot of gossip, backstabbing, competition and that sort of thing...

Well, here I am about 18 years later (18 years!) and I find myself so lucky to have a group of girlfriends that I absolutely adore, cherish and rely on like family. It's a big group and I wouldn't say we are BFFs...after all, we are too old to use stilly phrases like that (aren't we?)...But, as we get older, and/or mature and grow, I must say I notice a lot of similiarities between this group and the BFF group. The gossip is definitely there...I mean, we are women after all and let's face it, women like to chat and often like to chat about each other. I used to be incredibly guilty of this...I gossiped about everyone - especially after A___ and I broke up...not sure why. I am sure there is some psycho-analytic explanation, like my life sucked and I felt better about myself when I talked about other people...or, I judge myself so harshly that I therefore judge other people (projection at its best)...anyway, I have really worked on that problem of mine over the course of the last year - consciously - and I know I have gotten so much better. Don't get me wrong...plenty of times I talk shit - or just talk - about my "friends." I make myself feel better about it by not talking about the true BFFs in the group. Anyway...the point is, as I have become less of a gossip and care less about how my friends live out the details of their lives (and care less about talking about it), I have become more aware of other people engaging in this activity and BOY DOES IT BOTHER ME!!!

With girlfriends, there is also the phenomenon of "circle talk" (a great concept I first learned about from B___). I talk to Friend A...she tells me about her date. I know that Friend A and Friend B are friends so next time I talk to Friend B, I tell her all about Friend A's date...So now Friend B knows all about Friend A's date and never even talked to Friend A about it. This is circle talk. AND IT BUGS - especially if there are details Friend A didn't want other people besides you to know. I didn't understand the problem with circle talk until I was recently a "victim" of it. I was asked out by someone we all marginally knew...I told one friend, she told another friend and she told another friend. Then, we are all at a big dinner party and the third friend says, "So, I heard [INSERT NAME HERE] asked you out!" And this friend tends to gossip and doesn't really use an appopriate filter. So heaven only knows who else she told...and so the circle talk spirals downward and, by the way, people are talking about me behind my back, which is annoying in and of itself.

Anyway, I love my women friends but tonight I was reminded of how difficult it can be to move in a large circle... I was reminded that there are moments of closeness and distance with each member of the group and this closeness and distance ebbs and flows over the course of a friendship...of course, the bonds between me and some of these women are stronger than others...and with some of them I work harder to create or maintain these bonds...but I love being part of this dynamic group of quirky, beautiful, compassionate women...some brilliant, some just above average intelligence...some drop dead gorgeous, some just stunning...some fucking hilarious, some just funny....some a one-woman party, some just really fun to be around...some I don't want to go a day without talking to (though sometimes I have to), some I simply don't want to go too long without checking in...So, I hate the gossip and I hate the circle talk. But I do love the women that commit them (myself included!)!

Sometimes I think it's important to write, just to write...Just to keep up with the discipline of writing. I mean, if I am going to someday be a writer (I mean, really be a writer), I have to get in the habit of writing even when I don't necessarily have that much to say or feel like saying what I do have to say.

So I just read a news story that said something about Halliburton (Dick Cheney's old company) decided not to go for the big contracts to re uild Iraq...well, sort of. Halliburton decided not to be the primary contractor...they will still be a subcontractor. So, this is a really FUCKED UP public relations ploy. The plan is clearly to keep Halliburton's name out of the headlines...so the story will be about some other, unknown company, but really as the subcontractor, Halliburton will likely end up making most of the money (the primary probably wouldn't get the contract without Halliburton) and still keep the spotlight off the company and, by extension, Dick Cheney...How do you write that press release and then feel good about what you put out in the world?

One of these days I am going to write a funny story on here... but so far, the funny stories are not what drives me to write much.

I really like the series on Salon called, "Match Made in Heaven, Match Made in Hell" about online dating horror stories or fantasy tales. Being a sometimes jDater, I can relate to most of the stories people send in, but certainly not the ones that are really awesome - or really awful, for that matter. In fact, I recently wrote my own entry that I was going to send in about my experience with Broadway. It felt good to write it out...and I managed to make it somewhat interesting. But for some reason it didn't feel right to send it in...I don't know why. I think maybe I felt like it sounded kind of bitter. Or at least more bitter than I actually feel. Anyway, it's a cool segment. I do love Salon.com and I encourag everyone to subscribe to it because it would be an absolute travesty if it went out of business...It's the only even somewhat alternative voice within the relatively mainstream media "establishment."

Also, I love http://www.mediawhoresonline.com. But they are on vacation until April. Terrible time to go on vacation but, I guess everyone needs a rest once in a while!

I am soooo looking forward to seeing Meredith this weekend. I could really use a few sessions of just laughing my ass off...and I know I will get it with her! Everything around here is so serious...I haven't really laughed really hard in a while. I mean, Julie and I laugh a lot...but it's been a while since I have laughed really hard...so it will be nice to do that with my big sister. The drive down will pretty much suck, and the drive back will be even worse, I am sure. But I think that the time alone and away will be good for me...It's not exactly the time alone and away I was hoping for...but it's better than nothing. And hopefully the weather down there will be nice...for the race and just for hanging out!

Dinner tonight with A___ was good. I love the restaurant we went to...Herbivore. And it was pretty inexpensive. I was a little nervous at first...it has been so long since we have been friends - or friendly for that matter, as I am not even sure we were ever actually friends - but conversation was fine...It was actually nice. I just need to be careful with him. I need to protect myself. I have to remember that, because it's not my instinct to do so! But he seems well...and gentle...and the space between us feels less charged than in the past...and I am not angry anymore and I don't think he is as calculating or manipulative as he was...maybe also it's because those other feelings aren't there anymore, so I can let go of how angry I was at him for treating me poorly...Jess is right, I really need to learn how to be LESS trusting and protect myself...I am still trying to figure out how you do this without keeping people out and without being "cold" and overly-analytical. Hmmm...it's always a learning process, I guess...

Still sunburned. Now my arms, really it's more my shoulders, but anyway, now they just feel kind of leathery...sleeping is a bit uncomfortable but hopefully tonight is better than last night. I bought some aloe gel so I am hoping that works. I can't tell if it's better than the regular lotion I was using. But I guess I will trust the experts on that one!


So, earlier today I had my whole topic for tonight's blog picked out. I was talking to J____ about the whole notion of the "backslide" and how it seems to me that people our age (late 20s, early thirties) slip into the backslide pretty frequently and I was wondering why that is. I mean, why can't we just break up with people? And I was going to dedicate a whole musing session to this idea. But as I thought about it, I started to realize that I think the reasoning is pretty simple (we always prefer the known to the unknown, even when the known is not necessarily the best thing for you...and I think at this age, it's scarier and scarier when you breakup and have to get back out there to keep looking for your life partner...so you stick around, try again, hope you can make it work)...so I am not going to spend any more time on it!


Still at war. I can hardly believe it. So, the first few days, the television and the radio and the newspaper was all war all the time. Then, after a few days, it was back to regular programming. Which makes sense, I guess. But nothing has really changed about the war...so why the reduced coverage? Or is the real question, why the intense around-the-clock coverage in the first place? Is it because we thought the war would be over in three days so the networks can spare the advertising for those few days? It seems to me that the longer it drags on, the closer we get to Baghdad, the more I want to know...But alas, it's much more important that I have access to things like Married by America...because if I didn't, that would mean the terrorists win, wouldn't it? Actually, it wouldn't...


And I must say, there is something really strange about watching the footage from Iraq and then watching "a word from our sponsors." I hate to say it but, it seems somehow appropriately American. I do love America (would I love any country I called home?) and I am a firm believer in our principles of freedom. But I also think that our technology has gotten ahead of our "moral" education and experience, thus leaving us with things like Joe Millionaire and Real World: Iraq.


Buzzie and I were discussing the other day whether or not we would die for the principles of American democracy. In other words, if the USA was invaded by, let's say, some Islamic fundamentalist force who, if victorious, would suppress freedom of press, speech and religion, along with freedom of movement, educational opportunity, choice and the other freedoms we enjoy thanks to our Constitution and Bill of Rights... would we take up arms and die for the cause? She was certain she would. No doubt. I would like to think that I would...but I wonder. I think in theory, OF COURSE I WOULD. But I just wonder if I would have that kind of guts...or would I try to flee to another country where I can enjoy if not those freedoms exactly, some version of them...Who knows...I hope to never have to find out.


I heard a really disturbing thing on the news today. NPR is doing this series of "War Diaries" and today the diary was of a tattoo artist located near Camp Lejeune in North Carolina (incidentally, where A___'s brother is based) and he was talking about how busy he was in the few months leading up to the war tattooing the Marines before heading off to Iraq. The disturbing part was when he was describing the kinds of tattoos the soldiers were getting and he said he was doing a lot of religious symbols...praying hands, crosses, biblical verse..."real Crusader stuff." Scary. Is this what George Bush's daily prayers are inspiring?


I do hope that this war ends soon. I guess in my heart I know it won't...I am scared that we are going to be in this region for many years to come...Bush doesn't seem to have a true, long-term vision. I can't see where he is going with this...I wish I had more faith in him. I mean, I wish I just disagreed with him, but it's more than that. I fundamentally do not trust him and do not share his notion of America in 2003.

What a day. First of all, I am so sunburned! Fried. My arms are like these big, red, throbbing extensions. I feel like if I take my shirt off and look at my sunburnt arms, it will look like crispy chicken skin. Because that is sure what it feels like. I rode today (I think it ended up being 65 miles) and then ran for 17 minutes. We did the Cinderella Classic. We were bandits (though I tried to register earlier this week and they said it was sold out...so we didn't use any of the rest stops, just their pink arrows on the ground telling us where to go). It was a great ride, GORGEOUS day. We kept a pretty good pace, though I didn't eat enough and towards the end felt hungry, which is never good! About halfway through the ride I asked A___, "Do you think we are getting tan?" "We must be," she replied. It was so sunny and gorgeous. But it seems it was a bit too sunny...I put sunscreen on my face before I left the house this morning but didn't bother with my arms or legs. Now I am paying the price. I am afraid my shirt is going to catch fire because my arms are so friggin hot!

After the ride I came home, read a bit of Truman (yup, still reading it!) and ended up snoozing for about 45 minutes. I hopped in the shower and went and picked up J_____ for the cool KPIX/World Affiars Council Town Hall meeting we were participating in. I was excited but had no idea what to expect. It turned out to be really interesting. First of all, it was very cool to be in a TV studio that wasn't a sitcom set, which is the only other TV studio I had ever been in! It was cool to see the local newscasters live and up close. And the idea of sitting through live television was kind of cool - anything could happen!

The audience was very diverse...much more diverse, in my opinion, than the actual demographics of San Francisco. But that's okay, because San Francisco could use a little more color. Anyway, they took an audience poll at the beginning to see where people stand on the war. The majority of the audience was opposed to the war. Surprise surprise...it is San Francisco after all.

Anyway, I thought it was going to be more audience engagement than it was...but you know, it was their first time doing this fomat so I cut them a bit of slack. I wanted to speak...there was so much I wanted to say: I wanted to talk about how this war is like the ultimate reality tv show...as if this is what we have been preparing for since the reality genre first opened up a dozen years ago. I wanted to talk about how I think the protesters are wasting their energy right now - we are at war, and as much as we are opposed to it, our opposition is no longer the real point...I wanted to talk about how I think the protesters should re-group, refocus and figure out how we are going to make sure that the warmongers in power stick around Iraq, rebuild what they have destroyed, create an infrastructure for democracy and help set the tone for the region. I wanted to say that if we were really paying attention, we would have done that with Afghanistan. And really, I wanted to say a lot more. But I didn't say anything. Because I didn't have a question and if I got up just to comment, I am sure I would have gone on and on and time would have run out on the show!

It's interesting, ever since Bush was appointed by the Supreme Court in 2000, I feel less politically empowered. I want so badly for him to lose in 2004 and I want to work on every campaign that might possible have a role in beating him. But then I fear in my heart that he won't lose, because he will rig it again somehow. And I get all upset about it before it is even happening. And I feel like I can't decide if I should bother or not. And I am not sure I am alone feeling this way...so disenfranchised.

I have this distinct feeling that once the Supreme Court made its fateful decision, Americans somehow checked out. I mean, it doesn't matter. This majority of Americans DID NOT VOTE for this guy, yet he is running the country, forcing his religious views and his absolutist morality on us, pissing off the rest of the world in our name, pushing our economy deeper and deeper into distress. So, I can see why people would throw up their arms in disgust and then turn their backs in disinterest.

The problem with me is, I never run out of things to say but I need to get to sleep and I can't type as fast as I think and I get frustrated that I can't always be brilliant and articulate.

I will say this...my arms are smoking right now...they are so hot and red. I need to go roll around in some lotion!

okay, that didn't work and I don't know why...

here is the site: http://demwatch.blogspot.com

This is a good link...I can't figure out how to put links on the side of the page (I am sooooo tech-challenged!) but once I do, I hope to start putting links there (though I am not sure why since I am the only one who reads this thing!!! But if by chance someone else happens upon these ramblings...I guess it will be good to have good links!)

Ever since this war started my mind has been wandering. I don't know how I got to be so damn sensitive! There are definitely times when it occurs to me that things might be "easier" in my life if I wasn't quite so aware of the world around me! I said that to someone once and she was like, "Oh, so you would rather be unconscious?" So, I guess not. But I think that what happens is I get caught up in events and I forget to be in the here and now. I think if I could be better about living in the moment, I would be a lot more content. Gosh, I really need to go back to the meditation thing or even one of those weekends at Spirit Rock...

Last night's workout was the best I have felt in a long time at the track. This is a good thing, I think, since my race is next weekend. In fact, all week I felt pretty good with training. So maybe I am ready for next weekend. I don't know...it still feels like I haven't been training enough, but after Ironman, I don't know if any triathlon training will ever feel like enough. It was pretty exciting when Coach Geoff moved me up a lane at the pool! I guess I have been noticing that I have gotten faster. But I didn't really notice until the other night when I lapped everyone in my lane at least once on a 600! I felt bad because I know how annoying it can be when someone swims in the wrong lane - it definitely cuts the rhythm of the lane's workout...it's just not cool and not good pool etiquette, I think. So, next week, lane six. I must admit, I am a bit nervous to swim in lane six. But it will be good for me. I think being in a lane where most people are faster than me will push me and help make me faster and faster!

I love Wednesdays. For one hour each Wednesday I can retreat into a fantasy world where the President is a brilliant, ideological liberal. He is pro-choice, he protects the environment, he understands the separation of church and state, he respects women. For the one hour each Wednesday that I spend watching the West Wing, I get to pretend Jeb Bartlett is the president...Since the 2000 election, I have found this to be one of the better hours of my week.

How do you fall out of love with someone? Every time I have been in love - all three times! - I was certain it would be "forever." Now, I get it that forever has different meaning when you are 16, 19 and 25. But it's still forever, you know? And the thing is, each time you think it will be forever, and it turns out not to be, it makes it that much harder to fall again, right? Because you have evidence that as much as you may love a person, you may not always love them (or them you). That being said, I have fallen in love three times in my relatively short life. Each time the "love" felt different...and while I thought all three would be the love of my life, only once was I old enough to make one of them a real candidate. But I digress. What is strange to me is how much I can love a man, want to spend the rest of my life with him (or at least want to try and see if I want to spend the rest of my life with him...) and then one day, I find I have fallen out of love with him. I still feel love for sure...but it's different. It's like a fondness for memories and a sweet spot for what could have been. But I just am not in love anymore. I don't get that tingly feeling when you think about him. I don't count the moments until we will be together again. I don't fantasize about our wedding, our marriage, our first home together, our kids. But at one point in time, this was what I did. So how does it happen that it just dissipates? I would understand if he hit me, cheated on me, lied to me, told me he didn't love me. But he didn't. It was circumstance that drove us apart...you know what they say, "it's all in the timing." Anyway, much time has passed and I have moved on...whatever that means. I am not in love anymore. And though I no longer want to be with him, there is something sad about the fact that you can love someone so deeply, want so much to live the rest of your life as his partner in crime...and then one day you don't. I just think that's weird.

What does it mean to be creative? I have often thought of myself as creative and I have been told by others - family, teachers, friends - that I am creative. But I have always struggled to understand the difference between creative and artistic. Because artistic I am not. Visual arts - forget it. Music - ha. I try. I like to paint and I am trying to learn to play guitar but I have no inherent artistic talents. I can write but not really creative writing (remembering my creative writing class in college when my teacher, Rafael Campo, RIPPED a short story I wrote. Years later I read it and I was embarassed at how bad it was!). So am I creative? Despite this utter lack of artizitic talent, I still consider myself creative. But I don't know how to articulate what that means...artisitic vs. creative. Something to ponder.

Still at war...all war all the time...I think I need to turn off the TV for a few days. But truth is, I have a hard time tuning out. How dare I turn away just because it makes my stomach turn? And if I don't watch, will I miss something? If I do, will I learn something? Or, worst case, will I become desensitized and have the all war news sound simply like background music? I don't know the answer (shocker!)...and I wish I could stop thinking about it.

I am really looking forward to Passover this year. Both the first night at Trell's and the second night at Buzzie and Ryan's. I am a little bit sad that it won't be at 3125 Washington again, as it has been for five years...but life is change and while it is good to keep the traditions alive, one of the traditions can surely be slight changes from year to year.

It's weird to be 30 and single and so sure that I want to have a baby. Is it selfish to want to start a family? I mean, why do people "want" kids? Is it purely biological...I am a woman, my biological purpose on the planet is to reproduce so therefore I yearn to do it? Or is it that I have all this love to give but I am not in an intimate relationship so I can feel the excess oozing out of me with nowhere to go, and a baby seems like a good place to direct that love? I wonder. But I do know that I really do want to have a family. Does it matter why? I wonder...These are the things that keep me up at night. Well, and the biography of Harry Truman, which is like 2000 pages, I have been reading it for months and I am only about halfway through it!

It's so strange to be in this place in the world at this time. Most people are, at any given time, dealing with problems or issues that impact their daily life…sometimes those issues seem minor - for example struggling with a negative body image - especially when you know of people dealing with seemingly major issues, like overcoming the effects of an alcoholic parent. I often find myself chafing at people who minimize one set of issues because some other issues seem more deserving of time and attention. But today, I am sitting in my car listening to the radio about "shock and awe" military campaigns and prisoners of war and I can hardly believe that I dare to complain because I think I am too fat right now! Which is not to say that my body issues aren’t real - they are and they have been excruciatingly painful lately...I must get a grip on them and loosen their grip on me. But come on! I feel fat? BIG FUCKING DEAL...the world is falling apart around us. The American media have been hypnotized by the American military, as have the rest of the world's media, only they have been hypnotized in knee-jerk reverse. California's education budget has been cut by 28% (I must say I am not sure what we are spending our state budget on if not education) and, oh yeah, we are bombing the shit out of Iraq. Yet I spend $135 to spend one hour every two weeks talking about how much I hate my body. Wow...I have some nerve, don’t I? Don’t I?

What I don't understand is why KQED cuts to BBC coverage of the war in Iraq. Look, I hate George Bush as much as the next thinking person. But I have to say, the BBC reporters get on my nerves. Usually I just turn it off, but today I was curious to hear the slant of another media perspective. And boy did they give it to me! The reporters' voices are dripping with disdain for this country. I was getting so agitated listening to the British reporter talking about our budget deficit. I cannot believe I am about to say this but...

I feel like it's okay for me to rip on things here...it’s my right as an American. It’s what it means to be an American - I have freedom of speech, freedom of expression. But it rubs me the wrong way to hear a bunch of snooty Brits talking shit about the United States. It's irrational, I know. I can't even believe I have this reaction, let alone am willing to admit it!

It reminds me of when I first started going to therapy. I would tell my therapist at the time (Sande) something or other about my sister that bugged me. Then she would try to delve deeper into what I was talking about and start saying things about my sister that sounded negative. And boy would I get pissed. Look, it's my sister. I can say whatever I want about her. But if anyone else talks shit about her, I lose it. It doesn't make any sense. But that's how it is. Anyway, I suppose the case could be made that the BBC bias balances out the American media bias. But in reality, can't we get a balanced view of this whole thing? I mean, is it either embedded or embittered? Is there nothing in between?

I can't believe my race is in two weeks. In the midst of war am I really going to do a triathlon on a Marines base? There is something about that fact that feels...off. I don't want to go to a race and have it turn into some kind of patriotic metaphor. People always seem to have to make their small slice of the world directly relevant to current events...But guess what - a half Ironman triathlon actually has nothing whatsoever to do with this war, I don't care that it takes place on a military base. Granted, many of the marines who have already been killed in battle thus far hail from Camp Pendleton. And that is true tragedy, especially because this war is wrong and those young soldiers signed up for the military to defend this country and our constitution, not to make a point about a new direction for Bush's foreign policy agenda. But I digress. What I want to say is that certainly , because the race is on a military base, there is a connection. But let's face it, there is nothing patriotic about doing a triathlon. Yet I am sure that in order to feel 1) relevant and 2) justified, race organizers and even some race participants will manage to make this triathlon some kind of statement on America and our vow to "not let the terrorists win." As if this war is about terrorism.

Laura and Matthew took me to sushi tonight. It was my first legitimate foray into the sushi genre. I knew Matthew and Laura would be good sushi teachers and that they would be sensitive to my aversion to all sorts of foods and food, um, concepts. So here is what I had tonight:

We started off with, of course, edamame and the three of us shared Asahi beer.
Then we got a veggie roll (it was a safe back up) and we also got shitake mushroom nigiri. Yum.
We had spicy scallop nigiri. Wow...I had no idea raw fish could be this tasty! If that was all we had, the evening would have been a success (Dayenu!).
We also had hamachi and maguro, which I really liked, much to my surprise.
We had a Dragon Roll, which was crab, unagi and avocado and a bunch of the little orange fish eggs (not a big fan). That was good but not my favorite.
Finally, we had hamachi tempura roll, also good but texturally it reminded me of chicken fingers, which I didn't really enjoy.

Overall, a great meal! The company was fabulous and so the fact that I was able to expand my horizons made it even better!

Then we went back to their place and played Scrabble...so fun. I actually won - a total come from behind victory!

I love my married friends!

I am trying hard not to turn on the television. I am already thoroughly displeased by NPR...It's fascinating to hear the BBC broadcasts...those Brits (or at least the ones running the BBC) are clearly not fans of Americans! Everywhere you look it's war war war. Obvoiusly, right? I mean, that's what's going on these days...kind of makes you long for the days of blow jobs in the Oval Office and classic phrases like, "Depends on what your definition of is is." Much better than phrases like, "shock and awe campaign" and "embedded journalist."

So I am trying not to turn on the television. I really don't believe a single word anyone on TV says. The only thing I know for sure is that bombs are flying and US Marines are dying. Beyond that...I just don't trust anyone. Is Saddam alive or dead? Pictures of him having meetings with his aides do not convince me that he is still kicking...but remembering that we STILL haven't found Osama bin Laden makes me think Saddam is probably just fine.

I have struggled for months about this war, trying to come to grips with what I think is the "right" thing to do. I am conflicted because George W. Bush is a fraud bordering on theocrat and I do not believe a single word that comes out of his mouth. I am telling you, I could be standing in the rain and Bush could say, "It's raining," and I would not believe him - and that's the truth. That being said, Saddam Hussein is bad bad bad. Don't get me wrong, I do not think they are equivalent. And I won't say either of them is evil because the good vs. evil doctrine is irrelevant and inappropriate. In any case, I can't be against the war simply because I oppose George Bush and all that he represents. But I can't be in favor of it simply because Saddam is bad - there are so many bad "leaders" in the world...some, I am sure, who I have never even heard of!

There are a lot of reasons to favor this war:

Saddam is a tyrant. He tortures and murders Iraqi citizens for sport, and has been doing so since he came to power several decades ago. While he probably has no actual link to Al Qaeda, he does offer compensatoin to the families of murderous "suicide" bombers who want to see nothing more than the destruction of the State of Israel. And a terrorist is a terrorist anyway you slice it. He sits on incredible amounts of wealth (oil) yet starves his people to death because of his greed. And the list goes on and on. In short, Saddam Hussein is a murderous dictator and we should do all we can to liberate Iraqis from his stifling oppression. We need to foster democracy and freedom of speech in the Middle East where dissension is ruthlessly punished. Iraqi citizens deserve to have their government back, to reap the resources of their land, to build a country for their children and their children's children.

HOWEVER...

Why now? I mean, we have known about Saddam Hussein and his murderous ways for decades - shit, we left him in power after the first Gulf War when we could have "easily" taken him out. So why are we going in there now? And exactly what is the objective? Is it disarmament? Is it regime change? Is it revenge? How many Iraqi civilians will we kill and maim? What role is oil really playing in this? How many American soldiers will die? Why do so few other countries support us in this war? What will this war, at this time, do to international relations? What and who are the hawks going to go after next? If our government can't honor the tenets of democracy we are supposed to enjoy here at home, what makes them think they can install democracy in a society whose traditions date back thousands of years?

So I am conflicted. It is clearly not a black and white issue (what is?). With all that being said, I think it sucks. I am opposed to the policy of preemptive war. That's not war to me. That's invasion. That's attack. I am opposed to it and I can only hope the attacks end quickly, that all the protesters and anti-war activists (and don't get me started on the San Francisco action) hold the Bush administration - and the U.N. - accountable for the rebuilding and redirecting of Iraq, and that Islamist terrorists don't use it as an excuse to carry out attacks against us.


It feels awfully cliche to spend my first blog ranting about the war. I thought for sure I would muse on life, love and my awesome bike ride today!

Oh my goodness. okay, I figured it out. FINALLY! I am part of the techno masses!
I officially begin this thing tomorrow! It's bedtime for me (but first a shower to get all this nasty chlorine from the pool out of my hair!)!

For some reason, I can't figure out how to work this thing! I am going to keep at it until I figure it out! In the meantime, I just needed to set this up. As the world turns upside down, I needed a space to get it off my chest!

This is a test. I don't know how to use one of these things yet so I am trying this out.