Knock on wood, after the head to toe lube last night, the itch seems to be gone (so far). I went to the laundromat tonite (I haven't been to a laundromat in years) and washed all my clothes, sheets, towels, etc. I think whatever causes the itching is in the clothes because right after loading the washing machine up, I got a little bump on my thumb...I am hoping all that cleaning - combined with the lotion - will make all the difference.

Heard from BB today...first time in almost three weeks (but who's counting). Not sure what his purpose was in contacting me (via IM, no less) but I also don't want to spend too much time figuring it out. Man's rejection, as Oprah says, is often God's protection. This feels true with BB. I am grateful for the protection from a man who would treat me poorly and/or with disrespect. I am grateful for the protection from a man who is clearly afraid of all I have to offer. I am grateful for the protection from a boy in a man's body.

I hope Vada finishes my business school recommendation.

I have some kind of a medical condition that is really driving me nuts. I don't know what it is or how I got it, but I am having some kind of random, itchy thing happen in various places on my body. My back. My legs. My feet. In between my forefinger and my thumb. My neck. My upper chest. Not all at once. One day it was just my legs. Another day it was my shins and my feet. Tonight it was my lower neck/upper back. I went to the doctor today to figure it out (it's been going on since last Thursday). Last Thursday my cleaning lady came. I also got my laundry done. So perhaps I am having an allergic reaction to one of these two things...perhaps the cleaning people used some toxic cleaning supplies to which my sensitive skin is reacting...I try to leave out my own supplies - the all-natural cleaning goods - but they clearly do not use them. So I was thinking that was it. Then I started to wear my freshly washed clothes...and the itching raged. So I thought maybe they switched detergents. Or maybe they washed my stuff in with someone else's and I am having an allergic reaction to one of those two things. So I got on the Internet and surprise surprise, there are tons of explanations for random itchy bumps. Shingles. Scabies. Hives. Generic allergic reaction to mites of some sort.

So I went to the doctor today. He doesn't think it's shingles. He doesn't think it's scabies (scabies is such a hideous word! I remember in college Liz C. had scabies - self-diagnosed - and I remember reading the description and thinking, "eeewwww"). It is kind of hive-ish, whatever it is. And it's clearly an allergic reaction. So I got all sorts of medicine. Creams and pills. And I have to change all my sheets, "butter myself up" with the medicinal creams, change the sheets again in the morning and then shower it all off. I also have to wash ALL MY CLOTHES that I have worn recently...get them out of the house. I have to vacuum and then throw out the bag (just in case). I have to take anti-histamines - non-drowsy in the morning and then super-drowsy at night. All this...and the itching may still continue for up to 14 days!!!! ARGH! One good thing is that I am headed out of town for a few days. I am going to ask the building to fumigate my apartment while I am gone. Seems like good timing and there certainly aren't mites at my mother's house.

Ugh. I am sick of scratching.

I sent another $25 to Wes Clark's campaign today. I am not sure why. He isn't thrilling me but my gut is telling me that he is the guy who can do it...who can beat George Bush. I just don't think Dean has it...sure, he excites a lot of people, including me at times. But I am beginning to think he is to the Presidential campaign what Matt Gonzalez was to the San Francisco Mayor's race...exciting to a particular, excitable portion of the die-hard population...and alienating to everyone else. I will say that Dean is good...his people are good. Today I got an email, not five minutes after sending my money to Clark's campaign, telling me how to donate gifts to the service men and women over in Iraq and ways to donate frequent flier miles to them because when they get their two-week furloughs, the US army flies them to the US but not all the way home and they have to figure out how to pay the rest of their way to see their families. He's good and he's got smart people working for him. But I just don't see him as the President. I cannot put my finger on it just yet. Clark...I don't know about him either...but I do know this: Lieberman certainly can't win, and I am not convinced that a vote for him is much different than a vote for GWB...I mean, sure, it's different. But he is too far right for me...we need a swing in the other direction. Kerry is good, too, but he took too long to get out there with an attitude and a message that could excite people. The media clearly have no interest in him getting the nomination and so I don't think he has much of a chance. All this brings me back to Clark.

I read something funny today on Salon.com. I read that Madeline Albright was in the Fox news studios and she made an off-handed, tongue-in-cheek comment to Mort Kondracke...something to the effect of, "I wonder if the Republicans are hiding bin Laden and are planning on bringing him out right before the election." i had to laugh, since this was precisely my sentiment just a few days ago. Of course, Kondracke pretended he thought she was serious and began reporting her comment on the news...his actions were fairly transparent if you ask me...and Albright was appropriately disgusted by him. Still, I got a good chuckle out of it. It might be shaping up to be a Bob Roberts kind of election season.


Had lunch with Broadway today. That's twice in one week that we hung out. As I told him today, we better pace ourselves. After all, we haven't hung out in about a year...don't want to go overboard as soon as we reconnect! He makes me laugh. He is definitely an interesting character. I am working on letting down my guard around him. I think I am getting better at it - and it's good practice for me. I want to be able to be more open and vulnerable with men. But when you have a history with someone, it can be hard. I have no idea where this friendship is going - if anywhere. At the moment I don't see romance in our future again. I am not quite sure why, perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I don't think he has quite let go of the idea of his ex-girlfriend. I no longer have judgments about that - just because I am over A___ and know there is no future for us does not mean that Broadway and his ex have no future together. Their relationship is their own and I do not know the first thing about it. Regardless, he is fun to hang out with...he makes me laugh and thinking about him makes me smile. I finally feel like we may be getting to know each other...a little bit of a clean slate between us and a chance to try honesty and openness. This is all good for me and part of my learning process.

Still no word from BB. I guess I think it's strange...but it is so far beyond my comprehension that I don't know what to make of it...clearly I missed something. Unless I didn't miss anything and my assessment has been right all along. Or perhaps this was his grand plan...I blew him off all year and then I finally agreed to go out with him, realized I actually could be interested in him, he waits for me to actually get drawn in and then WAMMO! he disses me - hard - to give me a taste of my own medicine. Not sure I deserve that but he didn't strike me as the most emotionaly mature so...maybe this is his way. Either way, I am happy to say goodbye to that one, as we approach the anniversary of our first encounter. Something about it seems fitting.

So, they caught Saddam Hussein. I woke up to the news on Sunday morning. When Trell said to me, "They got him!" I said, "Who? Osama?" But no...it was Saddam. Useless, pathetic, old Saddam (and after his capture several more bombs went off and more people died). I mean, we should be getting Osama...where is that guy? That's what I want to know.

But of course, it's good news that they got Saddam. I mean, that guy SUCKS. So, it's time he faced the music. But, I have to admit, there was a little part of me that thought, "Oh shit...this isn't good for the Democrats!" Unpatriotic? Maybe...but I couldn't help it. Then I made myself feel better by reminding myself that GWB will probably manage to fuck this one up anyway...so it's probably too soon to bemoan his good luck. The cynical part of me thinks that they know where Osama is and they are tracking him...and will "smoke him out" right around September 5 or 6 next year. Just in time to get the "bounce" for the election.

This Saddam business makes it more and more obvious to me that Dean cannot be our nominee. It's either Clark or Kerry, I think.


One of these days I won't be so tired. I am still behind on sleep from that weekend of Date #2, which was followed by a bad bad cold, which was followed by burning the candle at both ends trying to finish applications, stay engaged at work and run or do yoga once in a while. Plus...my mind has been expanding a bit these past few weeks as my emotional growth spurt continues...that's exhausting, too.

I had a nice evening with Broadway last night. It was nice to be around him, just hanging out, talking and sharing (especially him...he shared some very personal stories). The best part about it was seeing our walls come down as the conversation went on. At least, seeing my own come down (see what I mean about the growth spurt?). We exchanged some honest thoughts with each other, and he was so gentle, warm and generous with his. It has been a while since he has evoked a tender feeling in me...Of course, I cannot seem to shake him and I don't know what it will take for me to "get over it" with him. But last night I got to see again why I liked him in the first place...Why he has this hold on me, you know? It was nice.

One down three to go.

Application season is officially open.

Tonight was interesting. Went to see The Exonerated...Brian Dennehy and Stockard Channing were the famous faces in this week's show (every week they get another few famous actors to read a couple of the roles). I love them both as actors and I was excited for the night, even though I knew the subject matter would be intense and riling. We started out sitting in our seats talking about online dating...always a thrill (note sarcasm). And then the show started and the transition from jdate to death row was...I don't know...sort of jarring.

I am adamantly opposed to the death penalty. A show like The Exonerated only confirms that for me. There is no in between on the death penalty, as far as I am concerned. You are either for it or against it. Certainly if someone killed someone I love dearly I would want them killed - I would probably want to do it myself. But vengeance is not justice. And the death penalty is state sponsored vengeance. And it's wrong.

Gavin won. I have to admit, even thought I voted for him I am a little bit disappointed. It would have been kind of fun if Matt Gonzalez won. Although, things should get ineresting from here on out.

And Gore endorsed Dean. I don't know why people are so up in arms about that. I mean, it's huge for Dean. But that's the process...unions endorse early, other politicos endorse early...that's the name of the game. Yes, it's bound to have a big impact. But the primaries haven't even started yet. So what is everyone getting so worked up about?


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My flight today in that airplane was RIDICULOUS. Had I made a paper airplane and flown in that, it would have been only slightly smaller than that little piece of tin I was flying in today...I can't believe how hard I laughed through all the turbulence, especially considering how flipping scared I was! The pilot was great, though, and they didn't ridicule me too much!

You know, my Berkeley application is almost done...but I still have three more applications after that to finish! So as much as I will take a breather this weekend, I still have a mountain of work to do on the other applications.

God works in mysterious ways. I do not always claim to understand what the point is...in fact most of the time I have no idea what God is trying to teach me, only that s/he is definitely in command!!!

This morning I woke up in a tizzy about B.B. Buzz and I were on the phone at 7:30am, she was helping me get my head around the whole situation: do I like this guy for real or is he just a placewarmer? are the red flags I see real or are they my way of rejecting him before he rejects me? and mostly we talked about "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT DATE ALL ABOUT, ANYWAY?" Imagine, two women trying to get inside the mind of a 34 year old man who is not comfortable expressing his honest feelings. So that was my morning. Splendid indeed.

So I went for a run with Taylor, to get it all out of my system. I realized that it's time for me to move on from this one. Two dates...two awesome dates. He's fun. But he's either not into it or he's scared. Both of which do me no good and neither of which I want or deserve. So we ran and we chatted and I sweated it out and it felt good.

Then we went to Whole Foods to get sandwiches and do some grocery shopping. And there I was in the bath products aisle, looking for some soap. And as I was trying to decide which soap I wanted, I saw on the bottom shelf the kind of soap that Broadway uses and I laughed thinking I better not get that soap. Then I hear someone say, "Oh....hi." And I look up and there he is. Broadway is standing there, looking quite adorable, just as I remember.

I haven't laid eyes on him in at least a year. There are many places I imagine I will run into him...Whole Foods never occurs to me as one of them. At least not Whole Foods at 2 on a Saturday.

My heart started beating fast. I hadn't showered after the run and my hair didn't look its glamour best! And here I was, face to face with Broadway. If, in that moment, you had asked me the name of the guy I was all worked up over this morning, I would not have been able to tell you. That's what Broadway does to me! There's something there...he's dangerous for me and today, of all days, I did not need to see him...

He asked me for my number (although he said he probably still has it). I gave it to him and I took his. He's single (I asked - he blushed). He said we should get lunch...I laughed as I walked away...And my head has been spinning for the past two hours.

I know that's God at work. I am just not sure how or what I am supposed to do with it.
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So far this year I have had four friends get engaged, five other friends get married, two people actually have babies and three other friends just announced they are pregnant. Sheesh...I am still single (with no fiance, let alone husband in sight) and childless (again, no baby in the birth canal any time soon). What am I missing?

Craig wrote us from Iraq and sent a picture! It sounds like it's still crazy over there...I hope he stays safe. I still cannot understand exactly what he is doing there...I mean, he said something about running some of the American bases in Baghdad...in fact, the one Bush visited is one of his, though he wasn't there for the surprise. He didn't even know Bush was there until he heard about it on the news! Crazy. Anyway, it sounds like he is in a safe zone, but he did say he travels around to other parts of Baghdad. He also said something that we have been hearing on the news a bit - that the insurgents have now turned their attention away from US soldiers and are attacking Iraqi civilians. The whole situation is so fucked up. I hope stays safe and comes home soon. He says he is only there for a year...I do hope he is not compelled to stay any longer than that.

On other matters...date number two went well. Better than date one. But I think that's to be expected. And actually, if your first date blows you out of the water every other date just has too much to live up to, I think. Anyway, date two was good. I hope for a date three. This whole approach to dating is so new for me. I mean, After A___ and I broke up, I went on a date with Ross and then about two weeks later I went on a date with another guy. But Ross and I ended up hitting it off and even though we were "taking it slow" I really liked him and didn't consider going out with any other guys after our third date. When that ended I went on a random date or two with Seth and then I met Broadway...After our first date I was certainly not interested in going on a date with anyone else. He, apparently, went on one date with someone else in between our first and second dates (at the time he said that he had already had it planned and he didn't want to cancel...in hindsight I wonder...but anyway...). But after the second date it was pretty much just us and I was so crazy about him that I would not have considered a date with anyone else. Since Broadway I have been on several first dates but no second dates until last night, which may have actually been date three if you count the night we met (new years)...Then there was Ross part two. And so, as I look back on date #2/3, and look forward to date #3/4, I realize I have very little experience with dating...relationships, yes. Dating, no.

But it has been and continues to be an interesting learning process. I think it is good for me. I never used to believe it would be. I thought dating was a waste of time...if you like someone, why not just decide to be together and see what happens. The freedom of a relationship has always seemed so much more satisfying to me than the constrictions of dating. But now that I am dating...with the idea that it will lead to a satisfying relationship...now I see that there is a lot I can learn about myself. And I can also see that the intensity that comes from a fabulous first or second date is not a sufficient basis on which to build a relationship. So, a good first date and an amazing second date seems like a perfectly good place to start, making sure to keep the drama and false intimacy out of it. See, I'm learning.

I guess I never knew I could cook. I mean, really cook. Sure I can make a good dinner for two...but I never knew I had it in me to make something gourmet - and enjoy it! But I discovered this past Wednesday, as I made homemade roasted pumpkin soup for Thanksgiving at the Spence home, that I have the knack. I even improvised a bit with spices and some ingredients and I must say, it was good soup! I think my favorite part was the garnish - a mini-dollop of sour cream, toasted pumpkin seeds and a sprinkling of cinnamon. Everyone said it was tasty and all the bowls were licked clean!

The rest of the meal was delicious. The turkey looked so good, I even had some of it - a little ironic, if you ask me, that after finding out that the boy doesn't like vegetarians, I went and ate some turkey. Totally unrelated events but funny how that sort of thing happens.

I volunteered earlier in the day and as usual, it made me sad to see so very many people without their families, many of them clearly addicts. The guests at the food program were almost entirely men, something I had not noticed in the past. There was one guy there, he couldn't have been a day over 17. He seemed so tripped out, with pock marks all over his face and utter vacancy in his clear blue eyes. I had to look away. I don't know what, if anything, that says about me. But it did make me so sad and the last thing I wanted to do was feel sorry for these people. Certainly they don't need or want my pity. They have pride just like the rest of us and the last thing they probably want is to see judgment in my eyes when I look at them, even if my judgment comes from a place of love and compassion.

At first I felt some liberal guilt - there I was volunteering at a food program, making sure to leave in time to get home, shower and drive to Mill Valley for my own Thanksgiving feast, full of the warmth and protection of my closest friends. But the guilt does not do anyone any good. And soon my guilt turned to gratitude. Gratitude for the life I do have and the fact that I can do a small part (and I know how small it is) to help people have a decent holiday meal - people who might otherwise not have a meal at all. Gratitude that my mother raised me in such a way to know that doing service in the community is a crucial part of being part of that community - even if she doesn't know she did that. And though we did not go around the dinner table and each recite the things for which we are most grateful, I said them silently to myself: I am grateful for my health and the health of my familiy. I am grateful that I have been blessed with a best friend that is also my sister, with an unwavering ally and teacher that is also my mother and with the watchful eyes of my guardian angel and grandma. I am grateful to always know - to really feel - the love of my family and friends. I am especially grateful for the friends who have supported me for the past two years, some of the hardest days in my short existence on this planet; these are the friends with whom I am completely free to be myself and also the ones that really know the essence of me. I am grateful for the intellect with which I have been blessed. I am grateful that I have the use of all my limbs and that I have learned to make sure to use them! I am grateful that I have been able to spend the better part of the last two years really getting to understand myself and even more grateful that I finally feel that I am again ready to share the best parts of me (beyond my safe circle of family and my closest friends) - pieces of Marcy that were hidden under a veil of pain and fear for far too long.

I should be working on my essays right now. But I keep putting them off. I am not sure why. Maybe because I know I have to work on them all weekend. Maybe because I am scared to actually finish them and apply to school? Well, I am committed to at least getting that far in this process. And every time someone does read the essays I have completed they give me very good feedback. So that helps.

It's not that I have an irresistible urge to say something in particular here. As usual there are all sorts of things running through my head that I could write about. Most of those I will save for the journal in my bedroom that I write in at night before I go to sleep. I don't feel like writing about the wacky political situation in this country or events in the world. It gets so exhausting to care so much about that stuff. Sometimes I need to just step away.

So, I guess this will be one of those blog entries that's a non-entry. Because I am not going to keep writing about the boy and the date and the fact that I don't eat meat and what that does or does not mean and how that will or will not impact the potential here. I am pretty clear that if he really doesn't want to date me because I am not as carnivorous as he is, well...that's just not about me so much as it is about him. And the truth is that no matter what happens with this one, I can feel myself moving in the right direction, heading towards what I want and what I know I will one day have.

"If you don't eat meat, forget about it." That's from his online profile (on the Jewish online dating site...which is not where I met him but on which he has a profile posted...as do I...after all, any self-respecting, single, young Jewish person in the Bay Area has a profile on there...even though I don't go on dates from there and I don't pay the monthly fee to get or send emails...mostly I poke around to see who's out there...but I can't seem to make the full-on foray into online dating...not yet anyway.).

So, I don't eat meat. I guess maybe I have to forget about it?

I had a date last night. I had a good time (yes, mom...I had a good time). Uh-oh. This is where I turn into a spaz. So, this should be interesting. Hopefully he won't think I am too much of a dork and we will go out again. As Taylor tried to remind me when I called her in a panic last night after I got home, I have to remember to think one date at a time...that's all it was - one date. And maybe he liked me, too, and we can go on a second date. And then maybe a third? And then I have to stop there and that's that. I marvel at the fact that I can be 31 years old and yet not much about dating has changed since I was 16...the stakes seem higher, I guess. But the whole process is basically the same.

I am really starting to worry that we won't have a good candidate to take on Bush next fall. I think the press is beating up on John Kerry. Dean just does not do it for me...Wesley Clark has it all on paper but he hasn't touched anything deep in me yet and I am not sure how much longer I can give him the benefit of the doubt. If not for the whole Tawanna Brawley thing so many years ago, Al Sharpton might be my man. He is damn funny and I cannot wait for him to host Saturday Night Live. As I write this I wonder if maybe that's my problem with Dean - he does not seem to have much of a sense of humor. There is something about him that is too edgy, bordering on mean. I don't know. I will, obviously, support whoever is our nominee. I just want to feel like we are going to win. I don't want to lose this election on the moral high ground. I hate that liberal Democrats would rather be right than win. Sure, it would be nice to be [morally] pure and win. But as we have seen in recent years, moral purity does not lead to winning. And while in 2000 that may have seemed a worthwhile trade-off, I think most people would now agree that it turned out much worse than we had ever imagined.

I am really getting excited about the possibilty of going to business school. Thank goodness...because not much else is exciting me these days! Work is killing me...nobody on my team is happy and I do not know how to make things better - all these b-school essays are about leadership and yet here I am with a group of fairly miserable employees and I am at a loss for how to turn things around. My unhappiness at the new company doesn't help things any! And I guess there is only so much you can lead when you have no power to affect any change. But I don't want to complain.

I want Wesley Clark to inspire me more. For some reason, I am not loving Howard Dean anymore - in fact he is bugging me. They are all bugging me. I am afraid of four more years of George W. Bush. But I have started to think that it is where we are headed...so I am trying to come to grips with it early.


Uninspired to write. I gotta snap out of it.

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. I hope I am able to pull off soup for 10! Hopefully Space can help me (and maybe loan me a food processor and a big soup pot!)...he is a great cook and I would be very very psyched for his help...

I need to put down the "pen" for a while.

Last night Leslie said, "Men are like buses...there's always another one around the corner." And then Rocky said, "Men are like taxis, you can only get where you want to go if the taxi's light is on (i.e., if it's available)." Then we agreed that men are more like buses than taxis because whereas a taxi has his light on and that makes it obvious whether or not it is available, men often time are not that easy to read.

And anyway, last night, a few hours after I laughed at Leslie's metaphor, I started to wonder if she was, in fact, right about that theory. It seems that another bus may have come my way last night...but I don't know. We will see what happens. In the meantime, I am still a little sad about the bus I just left behind (or rather, the bus that left me behind!)...but I know I will get over it soon enough!

Time for bed...what a weekend...lots of activity, not a lot of productivity!

There are such great women in my family. I am so blessed.

One of the essays on the Berkeley application asks who, past or present, would you have dinner with if you could...and why? For the essay I am constrained to only invite one individual. But if I could truly invite anyone to a dinner party, past or present, I think I would invite myself.

I would invite six year old Marcy, the Marcy before her parents' divorce, to dinner. I want to know what it feels like to live in that house...do her parents fight a lot? Does she get to spend any time with her dad? What do she and Grandma do all day while they are hanging out? What is it like at school?

I would also invite ten year old Marcy..the Marcy who was so misbehaved her mom sent her to a child psychologist. Marcy who shared a room with her older sister. Marcy who got into fights at school. Marcy who stole money from her mother, bought cigarettes at "The Shop" and smoked them behind her building with other kids from school. What was she so pissed off about?

I would invite 13 year old Marcy...this is the Marcy that Donna M_____ threw a penny at and said, "Go home you big nosed Jew." The Marcy that held a protest in social studies because her teacher, Ms. Lenard, changed her seat. Marcy who had her first kisses with Josh Weissbard and David Yavneh. Marcy who decided to stop talking to her Dad. I would ask her if she remembers when she started to hate her body. I wonder if she is mad at her dad? How about her mom? And what does she think of her stepfather, Alan?

I would invite 16 year old Marcy...right after her nose job (see 13 y.o. Marcy!), right before her first serious boyfriend. In my memory she is confident Marcy...lots of good friends, ready to head off to college, meeting boys, falling in love, experimenting with sex. I want to ask her how she does it. How is she so brave, so willing to open up to new people? How did she let herself fall in love with Damian and him with her? How does she manage not to care what anyone else thinks of her?

Assuming there is still room at the table, I would invite 21 year old Marcy, the recent college graduate...This is the career-driven Marcy. The one who loved politics, believed in the power of liberal ideas and moved to Washington, DC, leaving her boyfriend behind, wanting to change the world. The Marcy who worked two jobs for eight months in order to pursue her career but also make extra money and meet new people. The Marcy who started to discover that politics in Washington, DC and politics everywhere else are vastly different. The Marcy who had the boss that was verbally abusive. The Marcy who watched her grandmother give up the fight when her cancer returned. This is also the Marcy who developed an anxiety disorder. I don't know that I have anything to ask her. But I would like to give her a hug.

I would invite 25 year old Marcy. The one who finally liked her job and her friends. The Marcy who met and fell in love with A___. She had been single for three years, dating here and there but nothing special. I want to ask her how she got through it and how, when she met A____, was she able to set aside her pain and her fears about relationships and let him see her, warts and all?

The last seat at the table, besides today's version of me, would be reserved for 29 year old Marcy. The Marcy closest in age to me today, she seems worlds away. She is the one who took chances by quitting her job at Levi's after only four months. She did Ironman. She let herself be vulnerable, let her friends pamper her and support her as she healed from her breakup. She tried online dating. She messed up a few potentially rewarding relationships...but she had fun meeting new kinds of men. She made several new, very special friends. I want her at the dinner so I can bask in the glow that surrounds her and see if I can remember how to find that confidence, that enthusiasm, that vulnerability, that self-acceptance in me now.

If only....

Wow...this blogger thing keeps changing. It seems like every couple of weeks the new post page looks different...I like this version now, in case you blogdudes are reading up on this.

If I get into graduate school, I am pretty sure it will be largely because of my mother's help with my essay questions. She has generated some great ideas that I have been a huge help to me! Of course, I have always known my mom is a genius...so why doesn't she apply to Harvard? How fun would that be for us to go together?

I cannot begin to think about moving away from this place. I love it here. I like making a six-figure income. I like living alone. I like being 2.5 miles from the Golden Gate Bridge. I like the farmers' market. I like - no, I love my friends. So, I am not going to think about it. Because realistically, I probably won't even get in. Maybe I will only get in to Berkeley...in which case I won't move and school will be relatively inexpensive!

Buzzie thinks I am being a wimp by not calling the boy. I think she is probably right but at the same time, I think I am right not to call. The truth is, I don't see that anything will be gained by it. And I am ready to move on. I really do not want to dwell on something that isn't going to go anywhere. Forward motion. That's what I am dedicating myself to these next few months.

You have got to be kidding me about this Reagan miniseries controversy. I cannot believe that CBS buckled under the pressure and canceled the show because Republicans didn't like what they thought the show would depict (nevermind that they didn't see a final version of the four-hour show, rather only saw trailers). This latest episode is just more evidence that the Republican party does not believe in free speech for people who don't agree with its politics or policies. And now they are complaining about a fucking movie? A DRAMATIZATION!?! What about all those Kennedy miniseries that included private conversations between Bobby and JFK - they are both dead so chances of those conversations having happened exactly as protrayed are, well, nil - and certainly there were times that the Kennedy family didn't like the movies (put together and distributed by librul Hollywood, no doubt) ...but nobody pulled them off hte fucking air. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE SEEM TO CARE ABOUT THIS KIND OF THING? WHEN WILL THIS NIGHTMARE BE OVER?

Katie Couric, I decided, is a media whore.