But there is this to add.

Who knew he would turn out to be an uncommunicative p***y like so many other men I have known? I had no idea. I don't know why I still think about him all the time...I don't know why I leave open the possibility that he will call, that he will want to talk, that he will want to...I don't know what. But the truth is, seeing this side of him, this side that doesn't know how to confront difficult feelings or issues, makes him less attractive to me. Why do people find it so hard to show up? I mean, don't get me wrong, even the most enlightened people can't show up all the time. I certainly find it hard to show up all the time (and I am far from enlightened). Sometimes it's exhausting and I just want to shut off. But, I do try to at least feel, acknowledge what I feel and somehow live it out. Is it so much to ask that the other people I share my time with do the same, at least some of the time? Perhaps it is. We don't exactly live in a world of self-awareness.