Wow...what a week! Somehow I managed to host or co-host two Passover seders without a single glitch! Both were incredibly fun and full of love and laughter!

Wednesday night R____, J____ T. and I hosted a seder for 24 people at J____ T's place. It was really fun. We wrote (or compiled anyway) our own Haggadah, which is always fun because then the whole thing feels distinctly ours. I knew and am good friends with many of the guests who came, but of the 24, I actually invited five of them. R____ invited four people, too, and the rest were J___ T.'s friends. Interestingly, I had gone on "dates" with three of the guests at the table (none of my invitees though one is a good friend). Two were jDate connections, one was a New Year's, um, connection.

The three of us, being the theatrical, spotlight loving hounds we are, we started the vening with a little ditty for our guestss...we sang a rendition of "There's No Seder Like Our Seder," sung to the tune of "There's No Business Like Show Business." The crowd looked nonplussed as we sang (probably off-key) our hearts out...Hey, we enjoyed it!

For some reason, J___ T. made me the seder leader. All that meant was that I would be the person pushing things along - kind of like the director or the stage manager. It went off without a hitch...other than some of the guests being kind of rude (talking while we were all taking turns reading the Haggadah), it went really well. J___ T.'s parents were in attendance and I, of course, loved them and loved that they were there. It was as if they represented all our parents who we couldn't share seder with this year for one reason or another.

I made matzoh ball soup and I must say, it was pretty good...I just followed the recipe on the box and they turned out pretty close to perfect. J____ T. and her mom made brisket and lemon chicken. R____ made two incredible delicious salads. Our guests brought amazing side dishes: Carribean kugel, sweet potato pie, spinach and cheese "pie." The dessert was out of this world - homemade macaroons, all sorts of cakesand cookies. It was delicious and everyone chipped in to make it so. I love that.

Clean up was a breeze with all of us helping. Of course, I got to go home and not deal with the nitty gritty of clean up, like vacuuming and whatnot. But J___ T. has that uber-vacuum so it probably wasn't too too bad! Click here to see pictures!


That was Seder #1 of 2003...On Thursday night I hosted Seder #2 of 2003.

Seder #2 could not have been more different. We did this one at Buzzie and R___'s place (aka Grandma's house). I knew pretty much everyone there, except for E____'s date and a teammate of Buzzie's. But by the end of the night I felt like I knew them both! This seder was decidely smaller than the one on first night. There were (only) 14 of us and it was much mor eintimate considering we pretyt much all knew each other. There were only six Jews there, but that made it even more special because I got to share this favorite holiday with some of my closest friends.

I was kind of in charge of this one but, as usual, eveyrone chipped in to help. I made brisket (Grandma's recipe - I overcooked it!) and matzoh ball soup and a spring salad...even better than the night before! Mama J made an amazing turkey breast- it smelled so good I actually ate some...mmmm mmmmm. M____ brought a delicious side dish of carrots and honey and oranges, and JLy made an awesome noodle kugel...pretty good for a small town Catholic girl! For dessert we had E____'s homemade macaroons, D_____'s chocolate,caramel matzoh crunch (AMAZING...THE BEST PART OF THE WHOLE MEAL!), and a delicious fruit and sortbet selection from L____ and M_____.

It was a really great evening, full of love and light and friendship and sharing. When I share Passover with my close friends, I feel even closer to them because I feel like they are participating in a bit of my own familiy history. I love that!

Next year in (San Francisco? Portland? New York?)!

Sometimes I do things that remind me of my dad...nothing to be proud of, really, but important to recognize, I guess. I have this knack,as does he and as does my sister, for making people feel stupid...I guess it really is more of this propensity for thinking people are stupid and then acting on those thoughts when they prove or appear to be true. I know this about myself, and it has been pointed out to me by others, as well. I don't like this about myself and I have really gotten better at controlling it over the years...partly because I am just much less judgmental about people and am much less at the effect of people. But every once in a while someone comes along that challenges my ability to hold my tongue and,frankly, be nice.

This morning is one of those days. And in my anger at a former friend, I made one of those phone calls that I knew would go to voicemail...and believe me, I did not say what I really wanted to say. I tried hard to temper my comments and I even waited a good 15 minutes before making the call...a sort of timeout, I suppose. So what I ended up saying lacked the venom I wa sfeeling and know I am capable of. And I don't feel bad...I wrote off a friendship this morning, though the writing had been on the wall for a while...but if I have learned one thing, it's not to be treated like shit by "friends" ever again...and so today I learned not to mix business and friends...I guess I probably knew this already and over the past couple of months this has become more and more clear as this particular situation has played itself out. Or maybe you shouldn't mix business with certain friendships. Or maybe you should end friendships when they have run their course and not throw business into it out of guilt.

I am still pretty pissed right now...I don't know how to let it go other than to just let time pass and hope it will dissipate. I don't want it to live in my body and manifest itself as some kind of body toxin. So I write this and hope it helps express my feelings and let them flow out of me. I am sure, too, I will talk to Buzzie about it and she will set me straight...tell me where I am justified and where I am being unreasonable in her opinion, which I highly value. And hopefully that will help. It usually does.

I saw the most interesting thing in Mollie Stone's today. I was on my hunt for some brisket for Passover...unsuccessful, by the way...and ended up buying two bottles of kosher wine,a box of yolk-less egg matzo and a box of Passover cereal (Manischewitz frosted flakes). No luck with the brisket. As I was checking out, I noticed a sign at the checkout counter that was all about some new product, "Nutri Clean" or something like that. It's some fruit and vegetable cleansing process that removes all the pesticide residue from the outside of the fruits and veggies. So there is this sign that says somwthing like, "NutriClean is a method of washing fruits and vegetables that has been proven to remove all traces of pesticide residue. Organic is a method and system of farming and does not guarantee that your fruits and vegetables are completely pesticide free." Or something like that.

Are they fucking kidding with that shit? And you know what, I bet it works. I bet there are many people who probably believe that if they buy NutriClean food, they are buying as good as organic. Because organic is just a method of farming!!! Are they kidding? That's the worst kind of public relations and I am embarassed to be part of that industry at times (and this is one of those times)! And sure, you do the NutriClean and so you have no pesticides on the outside of your fruit...but how the hell was it grown? And what did it do to the environment? And what kind of frankenfruit is it made of? And what kind of pesticides are on the inside? I mean, COME ON! It's embarassing!

Also...I finally understand why, when I was little, my mom used to make us clean up before the cleaning lady came. I never understood that. "Clean your room!" she would say, "Dorothy is coming tomorrow." Dorothy was our cleaning lady...And I used to argue with my mother about that...because it just did not make any sense...why, I would ask her, would I clean up if the cleaning lady was coming? Don't we want her to clean...isn't that what we are paying her for? But I am having the cleaning lady come tomorrow and I need to clean up...so now I get it...

I admit it...it would be nice to meet a man that I connect with; someone to date, a playmate, a soulmate. However...I will say this...I LOVE my girlfriends! Today I spent time with just girls...Running and lunch with T___ this morning, afternoon stroll and shopping with the Monkey, lounging and Sex and the City with T____,B____ and M_____ this evening, Pesach planning with R____ and J____ T. It was, all in all, a great day full of positive female energy. These days are important to have - and T____ really needed this after her weeks with the boys in Australia - and are a good reminder that no matter how much you may hope to someday have a lifelong partnership with a man, you can never forget the power and the importance of the girls.

I miss Grandma. You would think after nearly nine years, I would better accept her death. But I think I am still in denial about it. I am excited to be surrounded by the energy of her memory at Passover, when I feel it especially strongly.