Wesley Clark officially dropped out today. Truth is, he looked more spirited and upbeat at his campaign closure speech than he has looked for most of the campaign...it seems he just hit his stride! And he pledges to campaign for the Democratic Party, which is awesome...for the Party and for him...I get the feeling that he will run for elective office sometime soon in Arkansas...unless Kerry wins, in which case General Clark can be Secretary of State. If I was slightly less realistic, I might do my cabinet wish list right here and now...VP - Edwards; State - Gen. Clark; Attorney General - Eliot Spitzer (it will never happen but it's nice to dream!!); Labor - Gephardt...Okay, I will stop now. Anyway, now that things appear to be narrowing, and Kerry seems to be running away with it, I am starting to get excited and also nervous...I am ready to jump in, lend a hand. I really think I want to hold a fundraiser of some sort this summer.

Speaking of this summer...I don't know why I expected that all schools start in mid to late- September...but it seems Stanford is the only one that I applied to that starts in this time frame...Berkeley starts on August 9! MY BIRTHDAY! Imagine I got into Berkeley and had to start school on my birthday? I wonder if I will get called for an interview...they start sending out interview invitations at the end of this week...and basically if you don't get an interview, you don't get in...so now I get to stress about whether or not I will be invited to interview. And it sounds like the interview date for locals is March 6. So, I guess I will see what happens. And I still wait to hear from Stanford and Harvard and, of course, Columbia. Seems weird that Columbia was one of the last applications I submitted and yet that application seems farthest along. Oh well, there really does not appear to be any rhyme or reason to this process. I do hope I get in, though...at least to one location...I think if I did, I would immediately give notice. But I have to admit, I hope I get in more than one place...and I hope I get into something locally. I am trying not to think too much about it because the truth is, it's out of my hands at this point. I think it would be fun to have a business school blog...so if I get in, I think I will do that!

And things in the romance department are slowing down...or seem to be. BB and I...it's just not seeming to happen. I don't know how I feel about him...can't decide if I like him or rather how much I like him and the way we are going, I don't know that I will ge the chance to figure it out. I don't know what the issue is...it's like, we just aren't that into each other. Like there maybe isn't chemistry...we can't tell. But at the same time, we aren't really taking steps to be able to determine if there's anything there. And I guess I am putting it all on him...I guess I am still skittish and unwilling to take the lead or the initiative...So I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about what he's not doing right, what I don't like about him, why it's not working. Jess said that it sounds to her like I don't like him very much...or if I do, I am not really signaling that. But my question is, how do you know? I mean, how do you know if you like someone? How do you tell the difference between liking him and wanting him to like you? How do you tell the difference between not liking him and not knowing him well enough to know if you don't like him or you just don't know him? Does that even make sense? As I have continued to say, we shall see. I know it is incumbent upon me to say something...but the truth is, I am sick of talking about things with him...I want things to just happen. One way or another, it doesn't seem like there should be quite so much talking. So I have a feeling it will fade...And if he calls me, well, if he calls me and asks me out, I will go and that will be my last effort...and if we go out, I will bring it up...tell him what I want from him in order to get to know him better - to see if I like him or if there is any chemistry (which Jess says I haven't yet done). And we will go from there. In the meantime, I am going to continue what I have been doing...meeting other people, keeping my mind and my heart open. And I will stay away from the only one that really catches my attention right now...he's still off limits and despite our history and our clear connection, I need to remember that.

John Kerry won tonight in Virginia and Tennessee...Wesley Clark, the only candidate to whom I sent money (in an effort to ensure he got a fair shot in the race I sent him $50...he seemed to need it the most!) appears to be dropping out. The field continues to narrow...and though Edwards tries hard to spin this as a two man race between himself and Kerry, the real two man race is between Kerry and Bush.

I did hear someone on CNN tonight say that the Democrats are talking about announcing the VP choice sooner than the convention, just as I suggested...chances are they didn't get this idea from me...but it does make me feel smart to know that I thought of it myself...didn't have to hear it on Larry King Live to know it was the right thing to do...shit, I thought we should have done it that way in 2000.

Anyway, I am psyched that we are narrowing in on our guy...I think I will throw a fundraiser for him this summer...that will be fun - a house party fundriaser for my former boss...maybe I will even volunteer on the campaign during the month of August. I would love to volunteer for the convention...I should call Jim King and get on that...

John Kerry appears unstoppable at this point...he swept the primaries/caucuses of the weekend (Washington, Michigan and Maine)...I can't imagine there is much that will stop his ascent to the position of party nominee at this point...The only problem I have with it being over so early and with the press basically anointing him the nominee is that he doesn't get to be hammered by his opponents, we don't get to see how he weathers the blows...he is going to get hit so hard by the Republicans, it would have been good for him to feel some of the heat early so he can get used to it...though I will say, his 96 reelection campaign was no cakewalk...well, we shall see. I am getting excited...he seems like a good choice, he seems like he really wants to win...he has found his fire, which I think is crucial to success...Sadly, I am not convinced that we will win...but I am looking forward to the fight!

It has been an absolutely stellar weekend here in San Francisco. The weather, with the exception of some minor rainshowers Friday evening, was flawless. And I had a fabulous weekend to go right along with the fabulous weather! It was great to see Sara and catch up...it's been so long since we got to hang out and just have quality girl time...her boyfriend seems nice, if a bit older...but you know, she deserves someone to be nice to her...and he seems to be. I doubt she will end up with him long term, but for now it seems to be working for her. Then on to the Danny Hoch salon on Friday night at Trell's place, which was great. It was fun to see him after having not seen him for something like 16 years! I am so happy for him and so happy for his success. And it is well deserved. What he is doing as an artist is amazing, putting words and voice to a generation trying to find its own voice. And his knowledge - of history, of theater, of politics - is impressive...The way he uses those to form his work is just awesome.

Then Saturday I had a lovely "date" with BB. We went to breakfast and then the Farmer's Market and then the bookstore. That was supposed to be it...but then we ended up running some errands and grabbing lunch, too. I had a nice day with him...he is funny and fun to hang out with and sometimes I feel so comfortable with him...whatever it is, I feel some kind of ease and connection... but only sometimes. But then other times I wonder what the hell am I doing there. We are so different in so many ways (he said he would vote for Bush!!!). He talks so much, which I like...but sometimes I feel like I can't get a word in edgewise...and then when I do, I feel like he isn't necessarily totally listening. And he isn't much of a communicator...sometimes we start talking about things that are perhaps uncomfortable or exposing, and he will say, "I have never had a conversation like this with anyone..." and I can't imagine that...And there is not much affection. Rather, he does not seem to be especially affectionate - or at least towards me, which may be telling after all. So I say "date" because I don't know if we are actually on dates...or are we just friends spending the day together? I just don't know how I feel about him and what, if anything, I want from him or from this thing we are doing...part of me thinks it will never work out and part of me thinks it could be really great...but deep down, in my gut (which Buzzie reminded me today, is the place I need to go to in order to really know what I want), I don't see it happening...not sure why...well, actually, yes I am...I don't think we are an emotional match...I don't think he is emotionally generous in the same way I am and I can't see myself spending much time in something that doesn't feel warm and soft and engaging...and that is that. Whatever...time will tell, right? I feel the end is near...either because he will end it or because I will...I am nearing a tipping point; this thing is going have to head in one direction or another...and I sense that I am not on the verge of a relationship with this guy...I guess I am prematurely sad at the idea of it ending...can't tell if that's because I like BB or because endings are sad.


Anyway, that was Saturday day...then Saturday afternoon the monkey came up to the city...we went for a short run, had some wine and then dinner and then headed to see Danny Hoch's show, "Jails, Hospitals & Hip Hop" at the JCC. It was a great performance and I felt strangely proud of him...Then we headed to North Beach for the party in honor of Tracey Gropper to raise money for breast cancer...It was an okay party...It was fun to go dancing with the monkey and it was nice to see some folks...it was a weird collision of my triathlon world and my Jewish community world...somethng about it was uncomfortable for me and I want to think about and explore that some more! And of course I was a little put off by Madje and her veiled anti-semitic remark...(and of course Jay and his littering...who litters in 2004??) But the monkey and I left and came back home, stayed up talking until 230am. Then this morning Buzzie picked me up at 830, we hit the Grove for breakfast and then took a nice long walk on Crissy Field. The weather was just phenomenal and we had such a great time catching up, talking about everything, from BB to pregnancy to business school to politics to hip hop...you name it, we talked about it. Then Rocky and I went for a nice long swim and then got some lunch...I came home, read the paper and took a nap! Then BB called and woke me...and now I am watching some TV and getting it all down on "paper."

The highlight of my week this week was the Tu B'Shvat seder I went to on Thursday night. It was so lovely...I cannot believe I have never heard of this particular Jewish holiday...but I swear, I have never felt more Jewish and more connected to being Jewish than I did that night...The way the Rabbi talked about spirituality and its connection to the earth...the way he talked about fruit being an extension of God...I never related more to a Jewish concept...It's so strange because I have always felt that I most believe in God when I am eating a piece of fruit...I never peel an orange without knowing, in my soul, that there is a God (and I eat an orange almost every day!). And to have that feeling turned into a Jewish holiday...well, I was beside myself...

The highlight of my weekend was when Buzzie asked me if I would be in the delivery room when she gives birth later this summer...I couldn't believe it...what an honor for me...I am sure it will be freaky and scary and probably more than a little bit gross, but I am so thrilled to be there and help her and support her through it...