Spending the night in the emergency room is a truly unpleasant experience. I have done it a couple of times. The first time I went to the emergency room that I remember was in 1994 when I was in Boston for the weekend with R___ and I thought I was having a heart attack...We were in a hotel in Wellesley, T__ was with us and I made him take me to the hospital (it was like 1am)...he did and it turns out I was having an anxiety attack. The next time I remember going to the emergency room was in 1999...It was the night of G___'s Thanksgiving party and I was fine at the party. Then we went back to A___'s place and I could not breathe...I wasn't exactly wheezing but I was definitely short of breath...so A____ (reluctantly) took me to the ER at CPMC and it turns out I was having mild asthma...The next time I went to the ER was when I was dogsitting for C_____. It was January 2001 and I woke up in the middle of the night with some kind of eye infection. My eye was totally puffy and sore and I could not figure out what was wrong...It hurt and I didn't know what to do. I was housesitting for C____ by myself (A____ and I were pretty much broken up (for the time being)) and it was like two in the morning and I didn't know who I could call at that hour. So I had to take myself to the hospital. I put the dog in the car and off we drive to CPMC Davies Campus. Turns out I just had an eye irritation. The doctor gave me a wet towel to put on my eye, to soak it. And sent me on my way. For that I was charged something like $250!
My most recent trip to the ER happened yesterday, Friday, April 11. I woke up in the morning and noticed that I had a lot of gas that was causing me to burp. And the burps were, well, disgusting. They basically smelled like sulfur. Disgusting. But, I figured it was because I swam the night before - first time doing butterfly so I swallowed a lot of water - and then got home and ate late...so I thought maybe something was stuck or something and I was just going to burp it out. No big deal. Buzzie and I drove up to Sonoma to meet Mer...and I started to feel kind of crappy. My stomach started cramping a little and I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. We sat through the short film series and then went to the Girl and the Fig for lunch. I was so excited because they have this famous salad that I was excited to try. We got to the restaurant and all of a sudden I had to go to the bathroom...so I did. And from that moment on, I went to the bathroom, excessively, every ten or fifteen minutes for the rest of the day. Finally, at 11pm, I was at Buzzie and R___'s and I was heading home and decided to go to the ER...the burping had returned, the bathroom business hadn't abated...so I went. R____, a gem of a human being, came with me (and stayed all night, until 430am, when they finally let me leave!).
Here is the thing. I recently took my car in for an oil change...Like most people, I do it every 3000 miles or every three months. And that keeps my car in good working order. They check all the fluids, they top them off if they are low...and at critical mile markers, they take a more intense look at the car and do some preventive measures so that the car keeps running smoothly.
So my question is, why do we treat our cars this well and yet not our own bodies? I mean, sure, I go to the gynecologist for my annual checkup, well, annually. But that's it. That's all I do. I suppose I could go for a general physical every year, too, but I don't. It's not like the oil change - it doesn't take 15 minutes, it doesn't cost $30, you can't just drive in and have someone help you right away. But I wish there was the equivalent...maybe Jiffy-Gyn. Where you go every few months, no appointment necessary, general check-in with the doctor, take some blood, run the usual tests and that's that. $39.99. Wouldn't that be great?
So I spent the entire night in the ER and it pretty much sucked. But I will say this - I can't think of a better companion in the ER than R____. He kept me laughing all night long...I swear, he is like the brother I never had. I really love him like family. And he was like the best big brother in the hospital last night (even though he is younger than me and not actually blood related!).
I walked into the ER and R____ went to park the car. It was pretty crowded and I could tell I would be there for a while before I even saw a doctor. As I was waiting to check in with the nursing station, I felt this wave of disappointment that it wasn't more like the ER on "e.r." I mean, duh...that's a tv show. But still, it seemed like a mellow ER for a Friday night. Mellow but crowded. But as the night wore on the ER became more and more like the one we know on television. There was the supposedly ex-heroin addict who scratchd a pimple on his ass and it turned into an abcess the size of a grapefruit (thanks for sharing). There was the older Asian woman who kept shoving tissues up her nose. We think it was bleeding. There was the "bum" - this guy was straight out of central casting - who wouldn't give his name to the doctors or the paramedics ("ask the FBI," he told them). There was the woman whose husband rushed her in from the car - she seemed to be having a heart attack and none of the doctors seemed to be paying attention. There was the baby that kept wheezing, then coughing then vomiting. There was the homeless woman who was shaking in the fetal position on the gurney, probably from withdrawal from SOMETHING. All that, from midnight to 430am. And though I was exceedingly uncomfortable and frustrated, R____ and I laughed our asses off all night long.
While waiting to be called to see a doctor in the ER, I was watching CNN Headline News in the waiting room and I saw the most disturbing thing...First of all, at the bottom of the screen they always run those headlines. It was so bizarre to read headlines like, "Marines begin approach to Saddam's home town of Kirkuk" and then the next headline said something like, "Hong Kong considers SARS implications" and then there's a headline that says something like, "Tiger Woods has rough opening day at the Masters." HUH? Mind you, all along underneath the headlines is a running tally of NBA scores. WHAT? It was so fucked up. News about war, news about a massive health crisis and then news about golf? And basketball? Then another war headline? Are they kidding. The worst thing I saw,though, was when one of the headlines said, "Wassup for the Weekend: How about doing your taxes!" WASSUP FOR THE WEEKEND? Did I really just read that? CNN wrote, "Wassup for the Weekend" for real? It was so disturbing. What is happening to our country? What is happening to our collective intellect? Why don't more people seem to care what is happening to the media in this country? Wassup for the Weekend - I am horrified, and I am scared. I hope Orly and I can collaborate on that newsletter...
Well, I could go on and on about a lot of things...the war, talking about/debating the war (especially with friends), people who are late, Passover, training, my sensitive stomach, my amazing sister, blind dates, online dating, and on and on and on. Alas, it's 1115 pm and I am tired...
Saturday, April 12, 2003
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
What a great night! CP came over for dinner (halibut, steamed spinach and cous cous...YUM!) and we played some guitar. I downloaded the tablature for Natalie Merchant's "Motherland" and that has become the goal song...So, I learned C and we did D, G and E minor, too. I mostly practiced going from one to the other...My fingers are so spazzy, though, so it's kind of hard to do. CP tried not to laugh at me but at one point he had to admit that my fingers are a bit freakish. Anyway, he is awesome...and I look forward to my next lesson with him!
Today the images on the television were all about the toppling of this Saddam Hussein statue in the middle of Baghdad. There was a "crowd" of Iraqis standing around as some big piece of equipment along with some Iraqis and American soldiers made the thing come down...It was surreal to watch. The newscasters (Katie Couric and Tom Brokaw) kept trying to say that it was just like when the Berlin Wall came down...It felt like a stretch to me...especially when the crowd was maybe 100 people or so. Granted, they were pretty happy when it came down - made his head something of a soccer ball, spit all over it, kicked it and generally "celebrated" the symbolism. But the crowd was small. And an American marine had to go and drape an American flag over the statue's head, signaling to the Arab world what they have wanted confirmed all along - that it is our intention to occupy...not liberate...For sure, military brass wasn't happy about that flag draping and for the rest of the morning it was interesting to hear what the messaging session yielded as they tried to spin it...but they weren't happy because it gave Al Jazeera good footage, not because it was inappropriate.
As the war nears its seeming end, I can feel myself becoming more tense and anxious about what is next. I have less tolerant for the viewpoints that cling to this notion of liberation...when it is so clearly not what our intentions are. K___ and I were exchanging emails today about a range of war-related topics and I had to nip it, because I didn't like how stridently we were disagreeing with each other...I could feel my blood starting to boil and I remembered what I hard time I sometimes have when someone else's point of view is so off-base to me that I can barely look them in the eye.
There is so much to do this weekend to get ready for the next few weeks. I need to remember that I am still recovering from my race and that I need to let my body rest. As CP said today, rest is part of my training. But it's a bit of a mindfuck, this resting thing...and since I don't feel especially worked over from the race, it's hard to convince myself that I should just be sleeping in and maybe mildly exercising, to keep my body moving...
Anyway, it's time for bed (but first I need to review the Haggadah!)...I wish I could write more tonight. There are many topics to cover...in fact, the number of topics never seems to diminish...Sadly, time is a constant and so I need to pick and choose and some things will never get down on "paper" and that will have to be okay. Or perhaps tomorrow night or some other night I will spend more time and get it all out there.
Looking forward to starting my volunteer project with Just Think...I want to get back to service....
Today the images on the television were all about the toppling of this Saddam Hussein statue in the middle of Baghdad. There was a "crowd" of Iraqis standing around as some big piece of equipment along with some Iraqis and American soldiers made the thing come down...It was surreal to watch. The newscasters (Katie Couric and Tom Brokaw) kept trying to say that it was just like when the Berlin Wall came down...It felt like a stretch to me...especially when the crowd was maybe 100 people or so. Granted, they were pretty happy when it came down - made his head something of a soccer ball, spit all over it, kicked it and generally "celebrated" the symbolism. But the crowd was small. And an American marine had to go and drape an American flag over the statue's head, signaling to the Arab world what they have wanted confirmed all along - that it is our intention to occupy...not liberate...For sure, military brass wasn't happy about that flag draping and for the rest of the morning it was interesting to hear what the messaging session yielded as they tried to spin it...but they weren't happy because it gave Al Jazeera good footage, not because it was inappropriate.
As the war nears its seeming end, I can feel myself becoming more tense and anxious about what is next. I have less tolerant for the viewpoints that cling to this notion of liberation...when it is so clearly not what our intentions are. K___ and I were exchanging emails today about a range of war-related topics and I had to nip it, because I didn't like how stridently we were disagreeing with each other...I could feel my blood starting to boil and I remembered what I hard time I sometimes have when someone else's point of view is so off-base to me that I can barely look them in the eye.
There is so much to do this weekend to get ready for the next few weeks. I need to remember that I am still recovering from my race and that I need to let my body rest. As CP said today, rest is part of my training. But it's a bit of a mindfuck, this resting thing...and since I don't feel especially worked over from the race, it's hard to convince myself that I should just be sleeping in and maybe mildly exercising, to keep my body moving...
Anyway, it's time for bed (but first I need to review the Haggadah!)...I wish I could write more tonight. There are many topics to cover...in fact, the number of topics never seems to diminish...Sadly, time is a constant and so I need to pick and choose and some things will never get down on "paper" and that will have to be okay. Or perhaps tomorrow night or some other night I will spend more time and get it all out there.
Looking forward to starting my volunteer project with Just Think...I want to get back to service....
Tuesday, April 08, 2003
Fun night at the Giants game with Rocky...it's funny how we pretty much go to Pac Bell Park, sort of watch the game, and mostly we catch up...she always sits in the seat to my right, but home plate is to my left...so my neck always hurts by the end of the night because i turn to face her so we can chat!
I am stressing about this weekend and whether I should go to Lake San Antonio for the Bad Ass training weekend...I don't really want to go but at the same time it could be fun. But....there is so much I can do around here - head up to Sonoma and hang out with Mer...deal on Passover planning...CLEAN...go on that date on Saturday (though I already told him I was going to be out of town...)go to L-Train's surprise party...go to Crash and Pia's housewarming...
That's it...I think I am NOT going...I think I will stick around here. Why am I so bad at making decisions these days? I think my brain is crowded right now...I have lots on my mind...of course, the usual...war, negative body image. But also work, Passover, certain boys, triathlon training. So my head feels a bit crammed at the moment and I can't seem to make decisions...
Jon Stewart is funny.
I am stressing about this weekend and whether I should go to Lake San Antonio for the Bad Ass training weekend...I don't really want to go but at the same time it could be fun. But....there is so much I can do around here - head up to Sonoma and hang out with Mer...deal on Passover planning...CLEAN...go on that date on Saturday (though I already told him I was going to be out of town...)go to L-Train's surprise party...go to Crash and Pia's housewarming...
That's it...I think I am NOT going...I think I will stick around here. Why am I so bad at making decisions these days? I think my brain is crowded right now...I have lots on my mind...of course, the usual...war, negative body image. But also work, Passover, certain boys, triathlon training. So my head feels a bit crammed at the moment and I can't seem to make decisions...
Jon Stewart is funny.
Monday, April 07, 2003
Okay...here goes my Ralph's California Half Ironman Race Report...
FRIDAY, APRIL 4
Headed down to Oceanside from LA at around 12:30pm...Mer and I had a nice leisurely morning (I slept late, which was a treat!)...woke up, had some breakfast, got my bag together for the race...then we went to meet some of the girls for "tea" for Trish's birthday...I had some decaf chocolate tea...mmm mmm. Anyway, we then stopped at Trader Joe's so I could get some lunch and water and hit the highway...
We arrived in Oceanside, a pretty little beach-y town in San Diego county, around 2:30 or so. We went through the expo, where I saw C___ and we got free samples of stuff. Then I checked in at the registration tent and got my race packet and then met up with A___ T____, who was lounging on the beach! It was pretty windy, but late enough in the afternoon that I didn't worry about it for Saturday's race. Anyway, I went back to the Expo to find something to wear during the race (nothing like waiting until the last minute) as well as some water bottles for my bike (somehow I managed to forget to bring any with me).
Then we went to A____'s hotel in Carlsbad. I went for a short 20 minute bike ride to make sure everything was in working order (the bike and my legs). It felt good to be out there, but it was a little windy for my taste! The three of us went to dinner at Vigalucci's - some little Italian bistro in Carslbad. It was actually really good food - I got some penne with scallops concoction that Mer dreamed up. It was the perfect combination of carbs and protein that I needed the night before my race!
Then, Mer and I headed back on the road to drive to Cote's place in San Diego where we would be spending the night...
I regarded it as a good sign when we arrived at Cote's building and one of her neighbors was BLASTING, "Beautiful Day" by U2. Okay, so it was a bad sign that the music was so loud, but that song holds such positive associations for me (Ironman training and race day), that I decided it was a good omen for the next day...
Cote's place was super comfy...I got all my stuff together and realized I left my race belt in LA...but I found one in Cote's office...luckily I didn't have to snoop around too much to find it! Anyway, I put all my numbers on everything - bike, helmet, race belt - made my Sustained Energy, sorted out my Endurolytes and peanut butter pretzels and hit the sack...one brief scuffle with Mer about which side of the bed we were going to be sleeping on was quickly resolved and we went to sleep.
I couldn't fall asleep right away...I was visualizing my race and then reading (yup, Truman...still reading that thing!)...I finally fell asleep around 10ish and woke up at 4am...I was actually pretty well-rested. I didn't feel especially nervous for this race and I bet that helped me sleep soundly! It's not that I was feeling especially confident...I think I was just feeling so out of sorts about the whole thing that nervous didn't even really occur to me!
SATURDAY, APRIL 5 (RACE DAY)
The alarm went off at 4am...I don't care what you are doing or what time you went to sleep the night before, waking up at 4am is never fun! So, I got up, brushed my teeth and started making my oatmeal...while the oatmeal was cooking, I put on my race outfit underneath sweats, made my peanut butter and jelly sandwich (okay, it was almond butter and apricot jam) for the bike, made one for Mer for lunch and we were soon on our way.
We arrived in Oceanside around 545am or so...we got a great parking spot right near some porta potties, where I made my first of several stops of the day! I must say, I was glad to get that over with...
Then I got my crap out of the car, took my bike down off the rack and rode to transition (about a mile or so away). Mer was going to meet me there soon...she wouldn't be able to get in (not without the magic bracelet!) but she knew my number (1744) so could find me from outside the fence...
I got to the transition area, and found my row...it was a great spot, just about in the middle of the transition area. It was the last row of bikes on the left hand side so it would be easy to find...And I got the spot at the end of the row (there were no designated spots...the row was for a certain range of numbers and the rest was up to us to figure out!)...so I had plenty of room and would not have to worry about people bumping my bike or messing up my stuff...
My wave - women 30-34 - wasn't going off until 7:33 am, so I had plenty of time before I had to get my wetsuit on. I went to find Amanda for some pre-race comraderie. She wasn't too far away (and right near the bathrooms!)...While wandering around, I also ran into Marc Lauzon and Sara Harris. I tried to find Ginger, Kurt and Crash, but didn't see them anywhere. On my way back to my spot, I hear, "There you are!" and it's Mer, IN THE TRANSITION AREA (of course)...she mouths to me, "your pill," and winks...so I know that the story she concocted for the poor volunteer who let her into the transition has something to do with a pill...Then, when I got closer, she said, "So, I put your pill in the pocket of your bike jersey." I wanted to laugh...she is too much sometimes! Anyway, we hugged and she wished me well and she went on her way...to the spectator area, I guess.
I was about ready to put on my wetsuit...it was 7am and the pros had already started (and nearly finished!) their swims...and the first wave of men was about to get going. I ran to the porta potty one last time before donning my wetsuit (even though I knew I would pee as soon as I got in the water!) and then pulled it on. I HATE the wetsuit I was using...I much prefer my sleeveless...it fits better and I swim better in it. Oh well, this water was too cold for a sleeveless...
Amanda and I headed to the swim start area...she was in the wave before me (despite being older...for some reason, 35 - 39 women went before us) but we had a lot of time before our turn. I finally saw Ginger and gave her a hug...she promised to say hi when I saw her out on the run course! She is always such a great spirit, I love that about her...she is so bad ass yet so gracious, too. I think it's rare in an athlete and I really do admire it about her! Then Amanda and I separated with "good luck" and she was on her way!
As I waited for my wave to get in the water, I had an opportunity to watch the earlier waves come out of the water...I saw Crash, which I was very happy about...I cheered for him and then headed down the ramp and into the water...my wave was about to start.
THE SWIM
As I was walking down the boat ramp to get into the water (it was a water start), I heard Mer screaming my name...."LULUBEEEEELLLLE"...She was right on the dock ready to cheer me on. "Mommy loves you," she said, so I guess she had reached my mom on the phone...what an awesome way to start!
I got in the water...Brrrr. It was colder than I wanted it to be. Not as cold as Aquatic Park, but colder than Paradise Cove...I wasn't thrilled about that but, oh well. I will say that this was the first time starting a swim that I wasn't terrified of getting kicked and beaten. I think that's because after Ironman, I feel pretty good about the mass swim start...Anyway, I got in the water, waved to my sister and then the horn went and I started swimming...It took a few minutes for me to get into a groove but I did...all the while thinking, "I can't believe I am doing this right now." It was kind of a surreal experience - doing a race on my own, with none of my training partners or good friends there...I didn't feel prepared...it was kind of weird...The beginning of the swim felt decent, though I was hating the wetsuit in a big way! Then, all of a sudden, I noticed that when I would lift my head to sight, I didn't see much of anything besides vast amounts of water...I couldn't see any bouys to mark the direction I was heading...all I could see was swelling water. Great...waves. That means it's windy. Not good. I swallowed a bunch of water and continued on my way, certain that this swim was not going to be my personal best! I was still hoping to be out of the water within 45 minutes but that hope went away when I turned around to head back in and had nothing but sun in my eyes...I couldn't see a thing so I had to trust the people around me for directional guidance!
Finally, I was nearing the end of the swim...I swam as far in as I could and right before I stood up, I predicted my time..."44 minutes" I thought...then I stood up and glanced at my watch: 43:56! I heard my sister screaming for me again and I looked up, smiled and waved...I didn't know that while I was out there swimming, she massaged the leg and feet of a man who got such a bad cramp when he started to swim that he was screaming in agony and had to drop out of the race!
So I ran (I use that term loosely) from the water to my transition area and saw Kate along the way, "YOU GO GIRL!" she yelled as I ambled past. Once a coach, always a coach!
I got to transition where I chatted for a minute with a spectator. I took my time getting my biking gear on because I didn't want to forget anything...plus, what was the rush anyway? I ended up having a 6 minute transition...not my fastest...but not my slowest, either!
THE BIKE
In a word...Oy.
I really can't say I enjoyed any part of the bike...okay, well, there was one point at which I was going 38mph but that didn't last long because it was in a 25mph zone and once I passed the speed clock (like the kind when you are driving) and it registered that I was going 38 by flashing red, I had to slow down before getting penalized! Other than that brief feeling of going downhill fast, I hated the bike ride. I don't mean to be negative but it SUCKED!
First of all it was windy as hell. Now, I don't think I am that much of a wimp but wind on a bike ride really gets me down. I find it so frustrating and defeating. It takes so much energy to push through...and it's a total mindfuck when you are on flat road but working as if you are climbing up Camino Alto!! So that was utter misery for me and I contemplated quitting, crying, or both. The only thing that kept my mind off the wind was the fact that I could NOT stop peeing on my bike!
I don't know what the problem was but at mile 15 or so, I decided I had to pee but since I was already going fairly slowly due to the wind, I would just let loose on my bike, clean off at the next water stop and that would be that. I've done it before...no big deal. Well, I peed. And once the seal was broken, that was it. I could not stop! It was actually pretty embarassing. Not to be gross but I had these streaks running down my legs from where the pee had dried...and by the time I got to a water stop, I need the water to drink, not wash, so it just stayed on me! This was especially embarassing as I passed through the water stops staffed by Marines from Camp Pendleton, where our bike ride was happening...I couldn't look them in the eye - I was too embarassed!
I did a lot of thinking on that ride...several times I dropped out of Wildflower, resolved to lose 10 pounds by Alcatraz, re-wrote a line of the song Mer was working on (Shock and Awe - sung to the tune of Chaka Kahn), thought about graduate school and sent lots of good vibes to Charlie, who was in the midst - or at least the start - of his very first Ironman down in Australia...
Towards the end of the ride I was passing some guy on his left when he muttered something about the wind..."This took me 45 minutes longer than it did last year because of that wind," he said. This actually made me feel better. Because the ride was going to take me about 30 minutes longer than I expected...I mean, it took me longer than Wildflower has ever taken me and Wildflower is a much more difficult bike ride (though this one is not as flat as everyone says it is!)...
My legs were hurting...I considered not running at all because my hips were feeling pretty worked...I didn't want to quit, though...I didn't drive all that way to drop out. And I could tell my heart rate stayed pretty steady all day and though my legs felt tired, I wasn't HURTING, so I decided to suck it up and start running and see how it felt...
So, I finally made my way through to the transition area...and though I wanted to stop peeing, I just couldn't. So when I got off my bike, my shorts were SOAKED! Luckily I had run shorts in my transition area in case I decided to do a deck change...So I did...just wrapped my towel around me and yanked off my tri shorts, pulled up my running shorts, threw on my shoes and my hat, grabbed my hammer gel and was off.
THE RUN
As I headed out of transition I continued to pee in my pants...not sure what the hell was going on but I resolved to stop at the first porta potty I saw and just take a minute to pee as much as possible so I could be done with it...As I started to run out I saw Mer...she said she would meet me out there on the course...she is such a good spectator! She supports me so well and has so much fun supporting all the other athletes, too. And I was surprised to see her hair in a cute little pony tail! It made me smile.
So I was running...and I was feeling pretty good. My legs weren't too tired, though my feet hurt a bit...And with my socks so wet from all that peeing, I knew I was in for some blisters later! Just before the first water stop I saw a porta potty. Someone had just gone in and I considered running on to the next one, but I didn't know where the next one would be and I just wanted to stop and pee in a toilet!!! So I waited and finally he came out and I went in and I peed...WHAT RELIEF! When I came out of the porta potty, I looked at my watch, which I had re-started at the start of the run...10:39...not bad...since I wasn't yet at the first mile, I could tell that my pace at that point was 10+ minute miles...pretty good for me at a half Ironman and I hoped I could keep that pace for the whole run.
I just kept on running and the course was beautiful. It was along the beach and it was so beautiful out. I had the wind at my back for the way out and it was nice not to have it in my face for the first time all day!! As I ran, I looked on the other side for familiar faces. I saw Ginger, Sara, Amanda and Christian...We all cheered for each other (I love that...once a team, always a team!)...I passed a guy with a prosthetic leg and told him, "Good job." People are amazing.
I was having an awesome run...I got to the first turnaround and headed back and was looking forward to seeing my sister. I finally saw her around mile 2.5 or so...she was ready to run with me..."Have you been running this pace the whole time?" she asked me. I told her I had...she started panting..."I don't think I can keep up with you," she said. Now, she isn't a runner...she is in great shape but NEVER runs...and so when we got to the bottom of a hill she said, "I am not running up that with you...I will wait here." I ran up the hill, got to the next turnaround point and headed back. And there she was again. She ran with me some more and then I kept going and she stayed put. I kept checking my watch...I was pretty much maintaining my slightly-over-ten-minute-miles pace. I slowed a tiny bit because I decided to walk through a couple of water stops so that I wouldn't spill the water all over myself or choke on the pretzels...
As I neared the end of the run, there was Mer again...waiting for me..."I have seen you finish so many of these things," she said..."I would rather run with you." So we ran together for a bit...Coach Kate was on the side of the road yelling to me, "Go Marcy! You're a sprinter now!!" "I am?" I said. "Yes you are!" she replied. So I picked up the pace...I was about a half mile away from the finish...I finished strong, worked my way through the crowd to the finish chute...I could hear Amanda Tucker yelling for me (her race long over!) and I was so happy to cross that finish line and be done with that thing! And I crossed, got my medal, and there was Mer (undoubtedly she talked her way in again)...I was so happy to see her...so happy to be done...
I found out that while I was out there she was, as usual, cheering for everybody and making friends left and right. As we made our way through the transition area to get my stuff together, all sorts of people were thanking her and telling her how great it was to have her out there..."You are a great rooter," someone said (we had to laugh at the word rooter!)...
I sat on a curb while she got all my stuff together (and wrapped my pee-shorts in my towel so they wouldn't touch anything else! what a good sister for even handling those things!)...And then we headed out. Into the expo to get the last of the free stuff before getting back into the car and going back to LA...
As we walked back to the car, we kept cheering in the runners who were still out there...people of all ages, including the 16 year old girl who was the youngest participant! We were hooting for this one woman who was so happy to see my sister..."How did your sister do?" she asked..."She is right here," Mer said. "She did awesome." And the girl congatulated me!! Can you imagine? With only a half mile left to go in her own race she was congratulating me...some people....
The car was close by (thank goodness she moved it so I only had to walk about a half mile to it)...We loaded it up and got on our way.
We called our mom. And that was that.
FRIDAY, APRIL 4
Headed down to Oceanside from LA at around 12:30pm...Mer and I had a nice leisurely morning (I slept late, which was a treat!)...woke up, had some breakfast, got my bag together for the race...then we went to meet some of the girls for "tea" for Trish's birthday...I had some decaf chocolate tea...mmm mmm. Anyway, we then stopped at Trader Joe's so I could get some lunch and water and hit the highway...
We arrived in Oceanside, a pretty little beach-y town in San Diego county, around 2:30 or so. We went through the expo, where I saw C___ and we got free samples of stuff. Then I checked in at the registration tent and got my race packet and then met up with A___ T____, who was lounging on the beach! It was pretty windy, but late enough in the afternoon that I didn't worry about it for Saturday's race. Anyway, I went back to the Expo to find something to wear during the race (nothing like waiting until the last minute) as well as some water bottles for my bike (somehow I managed to forget to bring any with me).
Then we went to A____'s hotel in Carlsbad. I went for a short 20 minute bike ride to make sure everything was in working order (the bike and my legs). It felt good to be out there, but it was a little windy for my taste! The three of us went to dinner at Vigalucci's - some little Italian bistro in Carslbad. It was actually really good food - I got some penne with scallops concoction that Mer dreamed up. It was the perfect combination of carbs and protein that I needed the night before my race!
Then, Mer and I headed back on the road to drive to Cote's place in San Diego where we would be spending the night...
I regarded it as a good sign when we arrived at Cote's building and one of her neighbors was BLASTING, "Beautiful Day" by U2. Okay, so it was a bad sign that the music was so loud, but that song holds such positive associations for me (Ironman training and race day), that I decided it was a good omen for the next day...
Cote's place was super comfy...I got all my stuff together and realized I left my race belt in LA...but I found one in Cote's office...luckily I didn't have to snoop around too much to find it! Anyway, I put all my numbers on everything - bike, helmet, race belt - made my Sustained Energy, sorted out my Endurolytes and peanut butter pretzels and hit the sack...one brief scuffle with Mer about which side of the bed we were going to be sleeping on was quickly resolved and we went to sleep.
I couldn't fall asleep right away...I was visualizing my race and then reading (yup, Truman...still reading that thing!)...I finally fell asleep around 10ish and woke up at 4am...I was actually pretty well-rested. I didn't feel especially nervous for this race and I bet that helped me sleep soundly! It's not that I was feeling especially confident...I think I was just feeling so out of sorts about the whole thing that nervous didn't even really occur to me!
SATURDAY, APRIL 5 (RACE DAY)
The alarm went off at 4am...I don't care what you are doing or what time you went to sleep the night before, waking up at 4am is never fun! So, I got up, brushed my teeth and started making my oatmeal...while the oatmeal was cooking, I put on my race outfit underneath sweats, made my peanut butter and jelly sandwich (okay, it was almond butter and apricot jam) for the bike, made one for Mer for lunch and we were soon on our way.
We arrived in Oceanside around 545am or so...we got a great parking spot right near some porta potties, where I made my first of several stops of the day! I must say, I was glad to get that over with...
Then I got my crap out of the car, took my bike down off the rack and rode to transition (about a mile or so away). Mer was going to meet me there soon...she wouldn't be able to get in (not without the magic bracelet!) but she knew my number (1744) so could find me from outside the fence...
I got to the transition area, and found my row...it was a great spot, just about in the middle of the transition area. It was the last row of bikes on the left hand side so it would be easy to find...And I got the spot at the end of the row (there were no designated spots...the row was for a certain range of numbers and the rest was up to us to figure out!)...so I had plenty of room and would not have to worry about people bumping my bike or messing up my stuff...
My wave - women 30-34 - wasn't going off until 7:33 am, so I had plenty of time before I had to get my wetsuit on. I went to find Amanda for some pre-race comraderie. She wasn't too far away (and right near the bathrooms!)...While wandering around, I also ran into Marc Lauzon and Sara Harris. I tried to find Ginger, Kurt and Crash, but didn't see them anywhere. On my way back to my spot, I hear, "There you are!" and it's Mer, IN THE TRANSITION AREA (of course)...she mouths to me, "your pill," and winks...so I know that the story she concocted for the poor volunteer who let her into the transition has something to do with a pill...Then, when I got closer, she said, "So, I put your pill in the pocket of your bike jersey." I wanted to laugh...she is too much sometimes! Anyway, we hugged and she wished me well and she went on her way...to the spectator area, I guess.
I was about ready to put on my wetsuit...it was 7am and the pros had already started (and nearly finished!) their swims...and the first wave of men was about to get going. I ran to the porta potty one last time before donning my wetsuit (even though I knew I would pee as soon as I got in the water!) and then pulled it on. I HATE the wetsuit I was using...I much prefer my sleeveless...it fits better and I swim better in it. Oh well, this water was too cold for a sleeveless...
Amanda and I headed to the swim start area...she was in the wave before me (despite being older...for some reason, 35 - 39 women went before us) but we had a lot of time before our turn. I finally saw Ginger and gave her a hug...she promised to say hi when I saw her out on the run course! She is always such a great spirit, I love that about her...she is so bad ass yet so gracious, too. I think it's rare in an athlete and I really do admire it about her! Then Amanda and I separated with "good luck" and she was on her way!
As I waited for my wave to get in the water, I had an opportunity to watch the earlier waves come out of the water...I saw Crash, which I was very happy about...I cheered for him and then headed down the ramp and into the water...my wave was about to start.
THE SWIM
As I was walking down the boat ramp to get into the water (it was a water start), I heard Mer screaming my name...."LULUBEEEEELLLLE"...She was right on the dock ready to cheer me on. "Mommy loves you," she said, so I guess she had reached my mom on the phone...what an awesome way to start!
I got in the water...Brrrr. It was colder than I wanted it to be. Not as cold as Aquatic Park, but colder than Paradise Cove...I wasn't thrilled about that but, oh well. I will say that this was the first time starting a swim that I wasn't terrified of getting kicked and beaten. I think that's because after Ironman, I feel pretty good about the mass swim start...Anyway, I got in the water, waved to my sister and then the horn went and I started swimming...It took a few minutes for me to get into a groove but I did...all the while thinking, "I can't believe I am doing this right now." It was kind of a surreal experience - doing a race on my own, with none of my training partners or good friends there...I didn't feel prepared...it was kind of weird...The beginning of the swim felt decent, though I was hating the wetsuit in a big way! Then, all of a sudden, I noticed that when I would lift my head to sight, I didn't see much of anything besides vast amounts of water...I couldn't see any bouys to mark the direction I was heading...all I could see was swelling water. Great...waves. That means it's windy. Not good. I swallowed a bunch of water and continued on my way, certain that this swim was not going to be my personal best! I was still hoping to be out of the water within 45 minutes but that hope went away when I turned around to head back in and had nothing but sun in my eyes...I couldn't see a thing so I had to trust the people around me for directional guidance!
Finally, I was nearing the end of the swim...I swam as far in as I could and right before I stood up, I predicted my time..."44 minutes" I thought...then I stood up and glanced at my watch: 43:56! I heard my sister screaming for me again and I looked up, smiled and waved...I didn't know that while I was out there swimming, she massaged the leg and feet of a man who got such a bad cramp when he started to swim that he was screaming in agony and had to drop out of the race!
So I ran (I use that term loosely) from the water to my transition area and saw Kate along the way, "YOU GO GIRL!" she yelled as I ambled past. Once a coach, always a coach!
I got to transition where I chatted for a minute with a spectator. I took my time getting my biking gear on because I didn't want to forget anything...plus, what was the rush anyway? I ended up having a 6 minute transition...not my fastest...but not my slowest, either!
THE BIKE
In a word...Oy.
I really can't say I enjoyed any part of the bike...okay, well, there was one point at which I was going 38mph but that didn't last long because it was in a 25mph zone and once I passed the speed clock (like the kind when you are driving) and it registered that I was going 38 by flashing red, I had to slow down before getting penalized! Other than that brief feeling of going downhill fast, I hated the bike ride. I don't mean to be negative but it SUCKED!
First of all it was windy as hell. Now, I don't think I am that much of a wimp but wind on a bike ride really gets me down. I find it so frustrating and defeating. It takes so much energy to push through...and it's a total mindfuck when you are on flat road but working as if you are climbing up Camino Alto!! So that was utter misery for me and I contemplated quitting, crying, or both. The only thing that kept my mind off the wind was the fact that I could NOT stop peeing on my bike!
I don't know what the problem was but at mile 15 or so, I decided I had to pee but since I was already going fairly slowly due to the wind, I would just let loose on my bike, clean off at the next water stop and that would be that. I've done it before...no big deal. Well, I peed. And once the seal was broken, that was it. I could not stop! It was actually pretty embarassing. Not to be gross but I had these streaks running down my legs from where the pee had dried...and by the time I got to a water stop, I need the water to drink, not wash, so it just stayed on me! This was especially embarassing as I passed through the water stops staffed by Marines from Camp Pendleton, where our bike ride was happening...I couldn't look them in the eye - I was too embarassed!
I did a lot of thinking on that ride...several times I dropped out of Wildflower, resolved to lose 10 pounds by Alcatraz, re-wrote a line of the song Mer was working on (Shock and Awe - sung to the tune of Chaka Kahn), thought about graduate school and sent lots of good vibes to Charlie, who was in the midst - or at least the start - of his very first Ironman down in Australia...
Towards the end of the ride I was passing some guy on his left when he muttered something about the wind..."This took me 45 minutes longer than it did last year because of that wind," he said. This actually made me feel better. Because the ride was going to take me about 30 minutes longer than I expected...I mean, it took me longer than Wildflower has ever taken me and Wildflower is a much more difficult bike ride (though this one is not as flat as everyone says it is!)...
My legs were hurting...I considered not running at all because my hips were feeling pretty worked...I didn't want to quit, though...I didn't drive all that way to drop out. And I could tell my heart rate stayed pretty steady all day and though my legs felt tired, I wasn't HURTING, so I decided to suck it up and start running and see how it felt...
So, I finally made my way through to the transition area...and though I wanted to stop peeing, I just couldn't. So when I got off my bike, my shorts were SOAKED! Luckily I had run shorts in my transition area in case I decided to do a deck change...So I did...just wrapped my towel around me and yanked off my tri shorts, pulled up my running shorts, threw on my shoes and my hat, grabbed my hammer gel and was off.
THE RUN
As I headed out of transition I continued to pee in my pants...not sure what the hell was going on but I resolved to stop at the first porta potty I saw and just take a minute to pee as much as possible so I could be done with it...As I started to run out I saw Mer...she said she would meet me out there on the course...she is such a good spectator! She supports me so well and has so much fun supporting all the other athletes, too. And I was surprised to see her hair in a cute little pony tail! It made me smile.
So I was running...and I was feeling pretty good. My legs weren't too tired, though my feet hurt a bit...And with my socks so wet from all that peeing, I knew I was in for some blisters later! Just before the first water stop I saw a porta potty. Someone had just gone in and I considered running on to the next one, but I didn't know where the next one would be and I just wanted to stop and pee in a toilet!!! So I waited and finally he came out and I went in and I peed...WHAT RELIEF! When I came out of the porta potty, I looked at my watch, which I had re-started at the start of the run...10:39...not bad...since I wasn't yet at the first mile, I could tell that my pace at that point was 10+ minute miles...pretty good for me at a half Ironman and I hoped I could keep that pace for the whole run.
I just kept on running and the course was beautiful. It was along the beach and it was so beautiful out. I had the wind at my back for the way out and it was nice not to have it in my face for the first time all day!! As I ran, I looked on the other side for familiar faces. I saw Ginger, Sara, Amanda and Christian...We all cheered for each other (I love that...once a team, always a team!)...I passed a guy with a prosthetic leg and told him, "Good job." People are amazing.
I was having an awesome run...I got to the first turnaround and headed back and was looking forward to seeing my sister. I finally saw her around mile 2.5 or so...she was ready to run with me..."Have you been running this pace the whole time?" she asked me. I told her I had...she started panting..."I don't think I can keep up with you," she said. Now, she isn't a runner...she is in great shape but NEVER runs...and so when we got to the bottom of a hill she said, "I am not running up that with you...I will wait here." I ran up the hill, got to the next turnaround point and headed back. And there she was again. She ran with me some more and then I kept going and she stayed put. I kept checking my watch...I was pretty much maintaining my slightly-over-ten-minute-miles pace. I slowed a tiny bit because I decided to walk through a couple of water stops so that I wouldn't spill the water all over myself or choke on the pretzels...
As I neared the end of the run, there was Mer again...waiting for me..."I have seen you finish so many of these things," she said..."I would rather run with you." So we ran together for a bit...Coach Kate was on the side of the road yelling to me, "Go Marcy! You're a sprinter now!!" "I am?" I said. "Yes you are!" she replied. So I picked up the pace...I was about a half mile away from the finish...I finished strong, worked my way through the crowd to the finish chute...I could hear Amanda Tucker yelling for me (her race long over!) and I was so happy to cross that finish line and be done with that thing! And I crossed, got my medal, and there was Mer (undoubtedly she talked her way in again)...I was so happy to see her...so happy to be done...
I found out that while I was out there she was, as usual, cheering for everybody and making friends left and right. As we made our way through the transition area to get my stuff together, all sorts of people were thanking her and telling her how great it was to have her out there..."You are a great rooter," someone said (we had to laugh at the word rooter!)...
I sat on a curb while she got all my stuff together (and wrapped my pee-shorts in my towel so they wouldn't touch anything else! what a good sister for even handling those things!)...And then we headed out. Into the expo to get the last of the free stuff before getting back into the car and going back to LA...
As we walked back to the car, we kept cheering in the runners who were still out there...people of all ages, including the 16 year old girl who was the youngest participant! We were hooting for this one woman who was so happy to see my sister..."How did your sister do?" she asked..."She is right here," Mer said. "She did awesome." And the girl congatulated me!! Can you imagine? With only a half mile left to go in her own race she was congratulating me...some people....
The car was close by (thank goodness she moved it so I only had to walk about a half mile to it)...We loaded it up and got on our way.
We called our mom. And that was that.
Sunday, April 06, 2003
There is so much I want to write...so much to say after a weekend in Southern California...LA with Meredith and Oceanside for the triathlon...But it's 930pm and with the time change, the 5+ hours in the car after the half ironman I did yesterday, I am pooped. I will say this, Six Feet Under is THE BEST SHOW on television. It's like watching a movie every week...it is so well written and beautifully shot and amazingly acted. It is the best way I can think of to spend a Sunday night...well, maybe not the best across the board, but certainly the best as far as my current life situation, and my life situation since I first started watching the show!
Things I want to muse on in the next few days...(me and) triathlons...traffic and road rage (especially in los angeles)...boys (especially certain boys who, after a year, still have me wondering)...I guess that's it...
Things I want to muse on in the next few days...(me and) triathlons...traffic and road rage (especially in los angeles)...boys (especially certain boys who, after a year, still have me wondering)...I guess that's it...