Today in yoga I was laying in savasana, the last one before we do final breathing, and I noticed that the sky was a beautiful blue, tinged with some yellow...The sun seemed to be setting...and I suddenly realized that the sun hadn't set yet. It was 5:30pm and it was still light out! I get so excited about the time moving in the right direction. Longer days, more sunlight. If only I was allowed to work out!! Well, at least I am allowed to do yoga. That's a start. And maybe Monday, when I go back to the doctor, she will tell me that I can swim and run. I think biking will be the last thing to come back...which is good, I guess, because by the time I am allowed to bike again, I will be so motivated to do it...which helps. Still, I don't think I will do Ironman this summer. And actually, since I decided that, I feel somewhat relieved.

I got an invitation to interview at Columbia! I meet Monday morning, 7am, with a Columbia alum. We are going to breakfast. I hope it goes well. I don't really feel nervous...more excited than anything. I guess it's been a long time since I have had an interview of any kind...Well, I am sure he will ask the basics like, Why Columbia? Why now? Why you? I should be able to answer each of those pretty well. The "Why Me" question might be tough because it forces me to forego humility for a few minutes...something I am none too good at doing! Well, I am sure I will figure it out.

BB continues to confound me. I do think I like him. I guess I will just leave it at that and see what happens. I don't know...I have never gotten to know someone this way before. So slowly and with such trepidation. Well, maybe it's good for me. Either way, I am learning a lot about myself through the process. I am learning to focus on what I want. I am learning that I get to choose, too. I don't know if he's the right one for me...And I am not sure how I am going to figure it out...But I guess that's what dating is, right? The thing is, I know that I am unlike other women he has known. I think I am unlike most women, generally...I don't play by "the rules" - or any rules for that matter. I say what I am feeling (though I am getting better at filtering and moderating that) and I ask others to do the same. I show up, I engage, and I don't play games. I can see that this can be scary for some people...I know that my sister is a lot like this (only more intensified) and I know that some people can't really handle it. So maybe BB can't handle it? I don't know. A___ loved it about me...but he wanted it for himself. He sucked it out of me hoping that by doing so, he would make it his own...So, it will be interesting, in this phase of my life, to see how my quirkiness flies on the dating scene!

I feel better and better about George Bush losing in November. Gosh, what will I do if he doesn't? I don't know...I can't even think about that possibility. Clark/Kerry/Edwards...those are our guys...Clark/Kerry would be a good ticket. Kerry/Edwards would be good...and I bet Edwards/Kerry would be good, too. I don't see Clark at the bottom of the ticket...and Clark/Edwards...I don't know...it doesn't really work for me. Plus, much as I like him, Clark, I think, isn't going to get there...he proved a little too green for this kind of election...Maybe he will be Secretary of State or something...that would be a good role for him...Or Secretary of Defense so he can turn that shit around..fix up what Donald Rumsfeld has totally annihilated. The possibilities excite me. I hope that once the nominee is determined (it's looking like that will happen in early March), he chooses his running mate and they begin campaigning right then...I always wished Al Gore did that in 2000...and I hope the Dems do it this year. I really think it's a winning strategy. Why wait until July or August to name our team? Especially if it's Kerry/Edwards...I think with two of them out on the stump around the country, they can raise that much more money and get people really excited. Why not? Bush/Cheney is already running as a ticket, why can't we? If only I was a muckety political consultant...this is what I would be suggesting as I made the rounds on the Sunday talk shows!

Seems my dad found the blog. I may be shutting it down...no offense dad, but this is not a good subsitute for a relationship...and I don't want what I write here to be in anyway compromised by the fact that I know my estranged father is reading it. It's bad enough that I know my mother reads it! But at least I already tell her pretty much everything anyway.

Weird. Well, I will see how it goes, now that I know he's reading it...and if I can't do it, I may shut it down and go back to the archaic written journal!

All is looking good at my second post-op follow up with Dr. M. She's awesome...she is so kind to me, as is AP, the nurse practitioner. BaySpring Women's Medical Group...they are a fabulous group of compassionate and expert doctors. All healing seems to be going well and I know it's because of Dr. M's skill, as well as the entire staff's TLC.

New Hampshire primary tomoro nite. Should be interesting. And I think I have a date with BB. That's good, otherwise I might be glued to the TV all night...well, I might be anyway when I get home! I am pulling for John Kerry and Wes Clark to make a good showing...I would love for the race to be between the two of them from here on out. Though I am troubled by Clark's seeming flip flop on the choice issue. I have to look more deeply into that. So it's onward and upward with the primary season. After New Hampshire comes primaries taking place in states that represent a cross-section of the US and ought to really give us a sense of who stands where in terms of national appeal. That means people will really start paying attention and the race will truly be underway.

Today was the Third Annual Louie Tri...What a great day, even if it was freezing out! I am so glad I was able to be in good enough health to follow through my commitment as Volunteer Wrangler! So many people showed up, stood around dutifully in the frigid weather and cheered and assisted the athletes, all in the spirit of Louie, our dear departed friend, teammate and fellow triathlete...I was proud that I was able to get so many volunteers there, and that it all seemed to go so smoothly...even though I am not on the team anymore, and my work with the Leukemia Society is limited to these random volunteer events and helping Coach Wayne fundraise, I am thrilled to maintain some connection to this cause that has given my life a spark that it didn't have before.

I think I may bail on Ironman this year. I was up in the middle of the night thinking about it and I just don't know if I have the fire in me. I admit, the health issues have played a role. I don't want to start Ironman training in March...that just doesn't feel right, and it makes me think I will be stressing about mileage and fitness...and I would rather do it in a way that allows me to have fun and feel good about my commitment. There is just so much going on for me this summer that I want to be able to enjoy. I want to travel and I don't think I want to just squeeze it in in August...I would rather travel end of June and July and be back in SF for the birth of Beep's baby and of course of Buzzie's baby...and get my crap together and think about school (godwilling I get in!) and be able to do it without too much time pressure and Ironman pressure. So I am leaning against doing it. I need a few more weeks to decide. I know I was going to decide by the new year, and I did...but I think part of me decided to do it in the hope that I would soon get inspired. But I think my body, with all the sickness and other issues, is trying to tell me something. So perhaps I will do Wildflower and Alcatraz and maybe even Pac Grove...that can be enough for me...and then, of course, NYC Marathon...I just don't want any regrets. And I need to make sure of that.