I must get my blogging momentum back soon! It has been an exhausting week and while I would love to sit and muse for hours, what I really need to do is read the paper and go to sleep! I have a busy week ahead of me and I need to start it off refreshed. I haven't turned on the television in days and in some ways, I feel like I may not know what is going on in the world but it's nice not to have that noise around for a bit.

Volunteering today at Glide serving food was interesting. I get so sad seeing all those people whose lives seem so, I don't know, ruined. I mean, I look at them and I wonder what it is like to live that life, what goes on in their heads? I watched one man eat today and as he ate his food, so slowly and so methodically and so...alone...I could not help but wonder what was going through his mind...what does he think about, I wondered? And as I thought about it, I got sad...sad because if I were to guess what he thinks about, I would probably guess that his thoughts are consumed with his miserable life and despair over his situation. Then I get sad because I make assumptions like that. What do I know what it is like to be a black man, with two broken fingers, living on the streets of San Francisco and eating Easter Sunday dinner at Glide Memorial Church's free dining room? From my privileged point of view, I can only imagine that his life is pure misery. That there are no bright spots...not real bright spots...a warm meal is not a bright spot, it's a necessity. And after seeing these people today who clearly live in such poverty, saddled with addictions and afflictions, I wonder why I have not dedicated my life to serving them or, even better, fixing the planet in such a way so that these people do not end up in such a place. The strangest thing today was when I was hanfing one man his tray of foond...He was a small, older black man who seemed to me to be "on something." And as I handed him his tray he said, "Thank you," and then somewhat leeringly added, "You so cute..." and then he started to whimper and cry. And he walked away wiping the tears from his eyes. I felt that moment all the way through me. Such a strange sensation of helplessness and shame washed over me...

Then I go to the Easter Egg Hunt at Laura and Matthew's place and I see my friends and we talk about the world and work and school and triathlons...and I think, "I like my life." And I don't feel any guilt about it (should I?). And I don't feel any special pride for my service today...it was a drop in the bucket and if it wasn't me serving that food and cleaning up that kitchen, it would have been someone else, because Glide certainly does not want for volunteers.

Anyway, I ramble. I am tired and have no mood for writing tonight. Just wanted to get a couple of things off my chest.

By the way...I am on hiatus from dating at the moment. I know I say that all the time but I really mean it this time.