It's probably a pretty bad idea to be blogging at work. After all, I should be working, shouldn't I? But it's lunch time and I have a conference call in half an hour and I have this urge to write a bit so I figured it's important to go with that urge (especially considering how unmotivated I have been about this blog in the past couple of weeks).

I had a mini-revelation yesterday about my current state of mental and physical health (or lack thereof!). For the past few weeks, and especially after this week's interesting knee-tapping therapy session!, I have been trying to figure out what is wrong with me? What is different now than a year or even two years ago that has me in this state? And I started thinking back to when Adam and I broke up (exactly two years ago). After we broke up, I lost about 10 pounds in the months following. Actually shed it pretty quickly and without thinking about it. And I was thinking that at that time, I was so happy and felt so light, as if a weight had been lifted. Nowadays, I sometimes feel as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders...and I have gained weight. And I realized, as I was walking down the street to meet K____ to go to the Dustin Hoffman film festival event, that what seems like metaphor was/is actually REAL - when the weight was lifted after Adam, the weight was literally lifted. Now that I am feeling weighed down by my troubles and worries, I am literally weighed down. As I was telling K____ about it, I nearly started to cry. It felt like a bit of a breakthrough. Of course, having this "information" is only as useful as what I choose to do with it. But it does feel good to at least feel as if there is an explanation for it.

I am reluctant to talk too much about work on here...Nobody from work (all four of them!) knows I have this blog, but I feel weird about saying anything for fear they may hear about it or somehoe stumble upon it. But so much of what is going on for me right now revolves around the work situation. Oh well, I guess I will have to save that for my personal journal.

Rick Santorum, Republican Senator from that lovely state of Pennsylvania, seems to be having a semi-Trent Lott experience these days. His homo-intolerant comments to the Associated Press the other day were, in my opinion, nothing short of abhorrent. As bad as Trent Lott's racist remarks, in my opinion. Of course, the establishment, and the theocrat-in-chief, will do nothing about it. After all, Santorum is a religious fanatic just like Bush is, and many of these religious zealots (and yes, the exist in Christianity and Judaism, too, not just Islam) believe that homosexuality is just plain wrong. Of course, Santorum goes that extra mile in an effort to seem unlike the bigot he is. He clarifies that he doesn't disapprove of homosexuality, just homosexual acts. In other words, it is okay to be gay as long as you don't act gay. And then he goes on to say that these gay acts are the moral equivalent to acts of incest, polygamy, bigamy and, my favorite, bestiality. As in "man on dog" as he said. This is what is running our country? Why are people not more outraged? I wonder if people are not as incensed as they should be about this kind of talk because there are so many other things going on that we need to worry about - our lying president, his over-reaching "big brother" of an attorney general, the scary hawks in the defense department, the deflated Amrecian economy, and the list goes on and on. At some point it becomes too much and we need to tune out for a bit and sit back and know, with deep commitment and sincerity, that we are going to do all we need to do to take advantage of our brilliant four year election cycles and throw out the trashy layer of representation we currently have running our country. I can only hope that we all get together and actually vote.

Shit...the conference call...