Sometimes I do things that remind me of my dad...nothing to be proud of, really, but important to recognize, I guess. I have this knack,as does he and as does my sister, for making people feel stupid...I guess it really is more of this propensity for thinking people are stupid and then acting on those thoughts when they prove or appear to be true. I know this about myself, and it has been pointed out to me by others, as well. I don't like this about myself and I have really gotten better at controlling it over the years...partly because I am just much less judgmental about people and am much less at the effect of people. But every once in a while someone comes along that challenges my ability to hold my tongue and,frankly, be nice.

This morning is one of those days. And in my anger at a former friend, I made one of those phone calls that I knew would go to voicemail...and believe me, I did not say what I really wanted to say. I tried hard to temper my comments and I even waited a good 15 minutes before making the call...a sort of timeout, I suppose. So what I ended up saying lacked the venom I wa sfeeling and know I am capable of. And I don't feel bad...I wrote off a friendship this morning, though the writing had been on the wall for a while...but if I have learned one thing, it's not to be treated like shit by "friends" ever again...and so today I learned not to mix business and friends...I guess I probably knew this already and over the past couple of months this has become more and more clear as this particular situation has played itself out. Or maybe you shouldn't mix business with certain friendships. Or maybe you should end friendships when they have run their course and not throw business into it out of guilt.

I am still pretty pissed right now...I don't know how to let it go other than to just let time pass and hope it will dissipate. I don't want it to live in my body and manifest itself as some kind of body toxin. So I write this and hope it helps express my feelings and let them flow out of me. I am sure, too, I will talk to Buzzie about it and she will set me straight...tell me where I am justified and where I am being unreasonable in her opinion, which I highly value. And hopefully that will help. It usually does.