Thank goodness it's Wednesday (TGIW??)...it's time for President Bartlett, the one I wish was President instead of the one we have.

Before I get into tonight's "musing" session, I have some housekeeping to take care of...until I figure out how to do links on the side of the page, I am doing them here. Check out Julie Trell's blog - she just started it. It's funny that I am linking to it considering she is the only one who even almost reads this. But in case I someday take this more public, or some random happens upon my little corner of the world, I want to have the link in here.

Okay...I really love my women friends. Now, I love my men friends, but there is something about "girlfriends" that is extra special...and anyone who has them gets this. For much of my life, I usually had one very close girlfriend - maybe two - a bunch of good friends and acquaintances (female) and great connections with "boys." Except in junior high school, when there was a group of seven of us that were B.F.F.s - "best friends forever" - me, Stacy Sholkoff, Nicole Trocino, Darlene DeSimone, Dawn Bauer, Dianna Migliaccio and Jolie Gaglio. Now, the farce of that is a whole different story for a different time (I would rather not live through that again right now). Anyway, as one might guess, that didn't work out too well..and for good reason. There was a lot of gossip, backstabbing, competition and that sort of thing...

Well, here I am about 18 years later (18 years!) and I find myself so lucky to have a group of girlfriends that I absolutely adore, cherish and rely on like family. It's a big group and I wouldn't say we are BFFs...after all, we are too old to use stilly phrases like that (aren't we?)...But, as we get older, and/or mature and grow, I must say I notice a lot of similiarities between this group and the BFF group. The gossip is definitely there...I mean, we are women after all and let's face it, women like to chat and often like to chat about each other. I used to be incredibly guilty of this...I gossiped about everyone - especially after A___ and I broke up...not sure why. I am sure there is some psycho-analytic explanation, like my life sucked and I felt better about myself when I talked about other people...or, I judge myself so harshly that I therefore judge other people (projection at its best)...anyway, I have really worked on that problem of mine over the course of the last year - consciously - and I know I have gotten so much better. Don't get me wrong...plenty of times I talk shit - or just talk - about my "friends." I make myself feel better about it by not talking about the true BFFs in the group. Anyway...the point is, as I have become less of a gossip and care less about how my friends live out the details of their lives (and care less about talking about it), I have become more aware of other people engaging in this activity and BOY DOES IT BOTHER ME!!!

With girlfriends, there is also the phenomenon of "circle talk" (a great concept I first learned about from B___). I talk to Friend A...she tells me about her date. I know that Friend A and Friend B are friends so next time I talk to Friend B, I tell her all about Friend A's date...So now Friend B knows all about Friend A's date and never even talked to Friend A about it. This is circle talk. AND IT BUGS - especially if there are details Friend A didn't want other people besides you to know. I didn't understand the problem with circle talk until I was recently a "victim" of it. I was asked out by someone we all marginally knew...I told one friend, she told another friend and she told another friend. Then, we are all at a big dinner party and the third friend says, "So, I heard [INSERT NAME HERE] asked you out!" And this friend tends to gossip and doesn't really use an appopriate filter. So heaven only knows who else she told...and so the circle talk spirals downward and, by the way, people are talking about me behind my back, which is annoying in and of itself.

Anyway, I love my women friends but tonight I was reminded of how difficult it can be to move in a large circle... I was reminded that there are moments of closeness and distance with each member of the group and this closeness and distance ebbs and flows over the course of a friendship...of course, the bonds between me and some of these women are stronger than others...and with some of them I work harder to create or maintain these bonds...but I love being part of this dynamic group of quirky, beautiful, compassionate women...some brilliant, some just above average intelligence...some drop dead gorgeous, some just stunning...some fucking hilarious, some just funny....some a one-woman party, some just really fun to be around...some I don't want to go a day without talking to (though sometimes I have to), some I simply don't want to go too long without checking in...So, I hate the gossip and I hate the circle talk. But I do love the women that commit them (myself included!)!