It's so strange to be in this place in the world at this time. Most people are, at any given time, dealing with problems or issues that impact their daily life…sometimes those issues seem minor - for example struggling with a negative body image - especially when you know of people dealing with seemingly major issues, like overcoming the effects of an alcoholic parent. I often find myself chafing at people who minimize one set of issues because some other issues seem more deserving of time and attention. But today, I am sitting in my car listening to the radio about "shock and awe" military campaigns and prisoners of war and I can hardly believe that I dare to complain because I think I am too fat right now! Which is not to say that my body issues aren’t real - they are and they have been excruciatingly painful lately...I must get a grip on them and loosen their grip on me. But come on! I feel fat? BIG FUCKING DEAL...the world is falling apart around us. The American media have been hypnotized by the American military, as have the rest of the world's media, only they have been hypnotized in knee-jerk reverse. California's education budget has been cut by 28% (I must say I am not sure what we are spending our state budget on if not education) and, oh yeah, we are bombing the shit out of Iraq. Yet I spend $135 to spend one hour every two weeks talking about how much I hate my body. Wow...I have some nerve, don’t I? Don’t I?

What I don't understand is why KQED cuts to BBC coverage of the war in Iraq. Look, I hate George Bush as much as the next thinking person. But I have to say, the BBC reporters get on my nerves. Usually I just turn it off, but today I was curious to hear the slant of another media perspective. And boy did they give it to me! The reporters' voices are dripping with disdain for this country. I was getting so agitated listening to the British reporter talking about our budget deficit. I cannot believe I am about to say this but...

I feel like it's okay for me to rip on things here...it’s my right as an American. It’s what it means to be an American - I have freedom of speech, freedom of expression. But it rubs me the wrong way to hear a bunch of snooty Brits talking shit about the United States. It's irrational, I know. I can't even believe I have this reaction, let alone am willing to admit it!

It reminds me of when I first started going to therapy. I would tell my therapist at the time (Sande) something or other about my sister that bugged me. Then she would try to delve deeper into what I was talking about and start saying things about my sister that sounded negative. And boy would I get pissed. Look, it's my sister. I can say whatever I want about her. But if anyone else talks shit about her, I lose it. It doesn't make any sense. But that's how it is. Anyway, I suppose the case could be made that the BBC bias balances out the American media bias. But in reality, can't we get a balanced view of this whole thing? I mean, is it either embedded or embittered? Is there nothing in between?

I can't believe my race is in two weeks. In the midst of war am I really going to do a triathlon on a Marines base? There is something about that fact that feels...off. I don't want to go to a race and have it turn into some kind of patriotic metaphor. People always seem to have to make their small slice of the world directly relevant to current events...But guess what - a half Ironman triathlon actually has nothing whatsoever to do with this war, I don't care that it takes place on a military base. Granted, many of the marines who have already been killed in battle thus far hail from Camp Pendleton. And that is true tragedy, especially because this war is wrong and those young soldiers signed up for the military to defend this country and our constitution, not to make a point about a new direction for Bush's foreign policy agenda. But I digress. What I want to say is that certainly , because the race is on a military base, there is a connection. But let's face it, there is nothing patriotic about doing a triathlon. Yet I am sure that in order to feel 1) relevant and 2) justified, race organizers and even some race participants will manage to make this triathlon some kind of statement on America and our vow to "not let the terrorists win." As if this war is about terrorism.